Clean. Slate. That is what we agreed to the night of our wedding. Anything that occurred before we said our "I do's"
would be forgiven or given the chance to at least resolve. We decided
on a clean slate approach because we had both did things to each other
that we felt allowed us to grow because we learned from our mistakes but
they could also damage our marriage if we didn't leave them in our
pasts. We were building a future together and we wanted our foundation
to be free of previous construction so with that mantra we matured and
grew together. After celebrating our third year of marriage we learned
we were pregnant and that we would soon become parents of a young
king...the heir to our throne. Years past and we were still falling in
love. We had a beautiful home, promising careers and a child we adored.
Then the night that would alter our lives forever happened. I was checking some work documents before our date night began and noticed my wife
had left her Facebook
account open. As I went to close it an instant message popped up. As much as I
preached privacy I was still nosy as most people are so instead of
ignoring the message and continuing to do my work I read it. I instantly
regretted my choice. The message was from an old acquaintance. She was
telling my wife thank you for spending the last weekend with her and how much she looked forward to their next meeting and how she
had really enjoyed that they were re-kindling their old relationship. I re-read
it a couple of times to make sure what I was reading was legit.
Afterwards I just sat attempting to analyze what my mind was
desperately trying to process. When my wife walked into the den to ask me about her outfit I
snapped. I cussed her out calling her every name I could pronounce and
immediately told her our marriage was over. She was caught of guard as
to what caused my suddenly erratic behavior until I directed her to the computer screen.
As she sat down she started to convulse, shaking as hard and fast as the
tears that streamed down her cheeks. She pleaded with me to give her a
chance to explain but my rage was in full effect. I stormed to our
bedroom and began emptying the drawers of her clothes. Then to the
closet tossing shoes, dresses any and everything that was hers into the
floor and told her this house was no longer her home. She fell to the
floor atop her clothes grasping at my legs, wrapping her arms around my
waist begging for my forgiveness. She would find none. I told her she
could come back tomorrow with the police to retrieve her items because
she would not stay in this house tonight. I threw some cash at her, told
her to find a hotel to sleep at maybe meet up with the bitch she had
threw away our marriage away for because she would not spend another
night with me in what was formally the house we had made our home. She
told me I was making a mistake not letting her explain and that she
deserved better than this. I angrily replied that the mistake I made was
making her my wife and that our family deserved better than this. Her
tears then turned into angry yells. She stormed out cursing me telling
me she would make me pay for what I had just done and that it would not
end like this. I slammed the door shut and watched her speed up the
street in the darkness.
I spent the night crying and
sobbing. I was confused and hurt. I kept repeating the words clean slate
over and over until I passed out from the emotional drain and pain. That
morning I called my mother-in-law and asked her if I could pick up
Junior later than we agreed. She could sense something was wrong but I
didn't give her enough time to investigate. I needed to clear my head so
I showered and drove around trying to make sense of how my life would
now proceed after being betrayed by the woman I thought I would spend
the last years of my life happily with. I ended up at my in-laws who by
that time had spoken with their daughter. They begged me to stay because
she was on her way there to see our son but I stubbornly refused. I
rushed our son into his car seat and sped out of their driveway.
Distracted I never noticed my wife's car. Then as quickly as the flash
of lighting there was the sound of metal bending and fragments of glass
shattering all around me cutting my skin. The last thing I remembered
was reaching for my son after hearing his cries and the sirens of the
ambulances. Turns out my wife was as distraught as I was and seeing me
again in her emotionally unstable haze she decided the only way to get
me to listen to her would be to smash her car into mine and force me to
stop and finally hear her explanation. At that moment it seemed like a
good idea but it caused all three of us to end up in the hospital that
day.
I thought I had never experienced pain like I did
as I forced myself up from my hospital bed into the wheel chair. I
never knew the body could experience that much trauma but it wasn't
until I saw my boy hooked up to numerous machines fighting for his life
that I understood the true definition of pain. My wife meant to get my
attention and in her own pain and fear she wanted me to hurt too but it
was our son that would bear the brunt of the suffering. She told me that
night I put her out of our home that she would hurt me just like I had
hurt her. She was true to her word because she did hurt me. And even
though I know I'm not directly responsible for what she had done I do
feel that my actions contributed to her reactions. It's always hard to
make wise decisions when your emotions are going full throttle. Instead
of forcing her out perhaps I should have given her a chance to explain
why? Hindsight is that you never know how far you can push someone until
they push back, you don't realize the amount of pain you can inflict on
others until you begin to experience it yourself. I have to accept that
she hurt me because I caused her pain.
"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL
