I was out and about the other day and decided to enjoy some free time in one of the parks in my neighborhood. It was one of those nice days when the sun was shinning brightly not too hot with a cool breeze blowing. I found a good spot on a shaded bench and just relaxed soaking up the atmosphere. I could hear the kids playing on the swings and slides and watched owners playing fetch with their dogs. It was a beautiful day to be outside and I was doing my best to enjoy it. As I allowed myself a moment to be immersed in the good feelings I was experiencing, loud voices suddenly boomed out from across the relatively peaceful scene. I let my ears guide me until my eyes spotted the source of the chaotic disruption. In the not-too-far distance I see a couple engaged in an obviously heated and tense exchange. I tried to go back to minding my own business because I know how things can get between folks involved together in a relationship. I did my best but I could not ignore what my ears were being bombarded with nor deny what my eyes were witnessing. It was clear from the body language of both participants that their conversation was increasingly growing out of control. I began to fear what their disagreement could quickly escalate into. So I got out my phone, ready to call the police in case their personal issue became a public display of uncontrolled anger. As the man's voice continued to rise I could feel the unbridled fury in his words. The woman started to back away from him because it is clear that she knew what was about to follow. As she tried to turn and walk away he grabbed her by her hair then violently hurled her against a nearby tree.
At this point I have seen far too much to continue just observing. I start running towards him yelling "WHAT THE FUCK BRUH?! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!" My reaction causes the other witnesses to go from being whispering and pointing bystanders to immediate interveners. Before I got close enough to prevent it he was launching multiple rounds of vicious punches into the lady's much smaller body. I watch helplessly from the decreasing distance as she crumbles into the grass in a heap. As he readies to kick her in the face and inflict maximum damage he is dragged away from over top of her, still yelling curse words and spewing threats, by the other male members of the growing crowd of witnesses. I finally reach the young woman's side and with the help of another female witness help her to her feet. To my shock she isn't crying or even wincing from the pain of the brutal beating she just suffered. The woman next to me immediately begins dialing 9-1-1 but she is stopped when the young lady puts her hand over the phone keypad. She looks up at us and as her face and neck begin to swell and bruise showing the signs of the assault she softly says, "Please...please don't call the police. I shouldn't have made him mad. Thank you for help...but please don't call them, I'm fine." I stand there staring at her, incredulous to what I just heard her say.
Instinctively I try to reason with her, thinking the trauma is overriding her common sense, I stress that she needs medical attention and that his punk ass needs to be arrested. As we both plead to her to allow us to help her, two small children come running up to her side. The older of the two school age children, a girl asks, "Mommy are you OK?! Did daddy hurt you again?!". I freeze, paralized with the confirmed fear that children had witnessed the brutal scene. And not only random kids but the children of the victim. Thinking to myself how in the hell is this situation not enough of a motivator for her to get help?! I continue trying to persuade her to change her mind about alerting the police using the most obvious of logic. I want to say to her not only were you just beat up, in public, by your children's father but he beat you in front of your babies! I stand there dumb founded as she and the kids ignore us and walk over to where the father is still being restrained but relatively calmer than what he was moments ago. The crowd stands among hushed whispering in a dazed confusion as police cars finally come onto the scene. We all stand there not dispersing just watching. Individually and collectively trying to make sense of how a potentially deadly scene has morphed into this now seemingly picture perfect view of a loving couple with their kids. The sad thing is that we all are thinking the exact same thing. She won't press charges. She won't remove herself and her children from this living nightmare. She won't accept that the danger they are all currently living in is REAL.
That's some heartbreaking shit right there huh?! Well thankfully this is merely a fictional account however it is also a very real representation of a very real issue that is privately and publicly destroying numerous families and lives EVERY DAY. Many times the participants and their family and friends are powerless to help change the matter. And more times than not it is the male who is the instigator and aggressor in these situations. When a woman is being abused verbally and especially physically she is most likely to be offered assistance and a way out if she has the courage and the means to do so. But rarely if ever do we openly and seriously discuss options and ways to help MEN who are victims of domestic verbal and physical abuse. Take the above story for example. Honestly how many of you would have found the exchange humorous if the woman was the agitator? How many times have you been out in public alone or with others and watched a woman berate a man even slap him upside the head or punch him in the back? Did you laugh to yourself or out loud?! Did you think, "man he is a punk" or worse "damn, what did he do to pissed her off like that!". If you were to see a woman beating on her man, witness him cowering away from her showing signs of genuine fear how many of you would speak up and step in?! How many of US would stop a woman from going off and assaulting a man?
Well if we are to be truthfully with ourselves and each other, many of us would write off the incidence as random entertainment or just a case of a man simply "getting what he deserves." Not pointing fingers or trying to redirect attention from the terrible trend of male on female abuse BUT I'm trying to get you to acknowledge and help address the other side of that coin. I too at a time didn't not believe or rather take seriously that males could be victims. Years ago I ignored the violent tendencies that a good friend of mine described that his girlfriend was exhibiting and subjecting him too. Every time he would tell me about her slashing his tires, throwing full glasses at his head or coming to his job and cussing him out I would just laugh at his misery. I would constantly dismiss him, telling him that's what he gets for being a dumb-ass who chooses to keep dealing with "crazy bitches". Neither me nor our circle of friends and family realized the true danger he was living with. We stood by and teased him instead of advising him to exit the relationship he was in. We didn't have the foresight to empathize with his reality of being with someone who was both verbally and physically abusive. Both he and the rest of us found the situations to be pure comedy...until the night he ended up in the Emergency Room.
They had gotten into another argument and she went off as usual. However this "fight" ended with her inflicting multiple deep cuts on his hands, arms and face and eventually leaving him slumped against the fridge bloodied and alone with a knife jammed into his shoulder! Thankfully he survived without permanent physical damage but to say she left an ever lasting impression on him is a gross understatement. His dance with danger changed how we all dealt with our significant others and how it altered our view of what abuse really was. There is a quote by Ms. Maya Angelou that says, "when people show you who they are are believe them the first time!" So know when we met women or men that are overly clingy, aggressive or shows clear signs of them being "crazy and deranged" we know what it can lead to and we make the move to stop it before it starts. Many times because of the roles society has bestowed on men, we feel obligated to tolerate and endure abuse from our mothers, girlfriends, wives and or children's mother because we are supposedly mentally and physically stronger and "can take it". But just as we (both women and men) would be quick even adamant about our sister, mother, best friend or even co-worker who was a woman to "get the hell out" we should be as encouraging, supportive and believing of our brothers, fathers and male friends who are being subjected to violence and degradation. When a man hits a woman society deems that there is no excuse valid enough to defend the reason...the same standard should apply when a WOMAN ABUSES a MAN!
"You are either the greatest contributor...or the greatest threat to your own happiness." - TWIL
