I look at my family and friends that are married and they all have different views of the picture that is marriage. Some swear by it and will defend the principal of marriage tooth and nail. Others find themselves after many years, questioning if the choice they made to marry was the best one for them. I get marriage is hard. I have watched my parents struggle and succeed in theirs for years. I have also seen marriages implode from the expectations and sacrifices. To tell you the truth it wasn't until I was babysitting my nephew and nieces that I realized the whole marriage thing doesn't have to be my defining goal. I was reading my youngest niece one of her princess books and in the end after the prince hooks up with the princess their lives were suddenly made better, you know the whole "And they lived happily ever after." scenario. My nephew who is the oldest at twelve said to his baby sister with the wisdom of a man that has lived for decades "happily ever after doesn't exist!". Of course being the adult I had to reassure my niece that he was just playing because she cried like she had been punched in the face with a brick after he said it. That night as I sat up thinking about my own relationship I started to ponder what my nephew said. As I re-played the words of his young wisdom I realized even though he was only a kid he was absolutely right...happily ever after DOESN'T EXIST. I started to think back on the serious relationships that I have been in and I remembered they were not cookie-cutter sweet. They were actually really hard to maintain. We were required to constantly work at keeping it fresh and healthy and even when we worked the hardest sometimes it still wasn't enough. I understood what he was trying to say. The notion of happily ever after makes folks believe that once they marry in a beautiful ceremony in front of their family and friends it's a cake walk from there and they can just ride off into their imaginary sunset without a care in the world.
Believing in happily ever after as an adult is a setup for failure. It was then that I realized that I despise the implied meaning of happily ever after. Marriage is probably the single most hardest endeavor a person can take on probably second only to raising kids. It should never be accepted lightly. One can't expect to meet a person, fall head over heels in love, then elevate them to the imaginary platform of a Prince Charming or a Cinderella and then think if I marry them everything in life from that point will be wonderfully perfect. Sure, I would like to get married and have kids but I know that when I finally do, happily ever after will not be a goal of mine. My grandfather always told me that "in order to make someone else happy, you have to first be happy yourself." I have always held onto his wisdom because it not only served him well in his near 60 year marriage but it was been the foundation that I have built my adult life on. If you are a six year old little girl then yes please believe in the power that a happily ever after awaits you. BUT if you are an adult, life should have taught you by now that happily ever after is a cruel joke played on naive dreamers and fools. For me, I will be prepared to work and sacrifice in my marriage because I know that is what it takes for it to be successful. I will choose to take a realistic approach when it comes to my happiness. Since I plan to keep winning in my life and eventually in my marriage I refuse to accept this falsely painted picture. Adults that have loved and tried to maintain real world relationships know that...happily ever after is for losers.
"Be BETTER TODAY, than you were yesterday."
TWIL
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