Even before we were married my wife was always the aggressor in our relationship. She had that "I get what I want no matter what" mentality and in all honesty that is what attracted me to her. She pursued and wooed me when we were in college. When she was ready to get married she proposed to me. When she was ready to move into a house she found a home and was the first to sign the deed. I always respected my wife's approach in life. She would never let any one deter her from her goals so I never had a reason to question her tactics until the day she told me she was ready to be a mother. We had been married for three years, living in our new house for two years and we were both in the middle of busy yet fulling careers. She expressed to me that she was ready for us to be parents. Only problem was that I was not. I wasn't ready to be a father. I explained to her that we still had time for parenthood and that we should enjoy the freedoms we had as a young married couple. She became agitated almost angry that I didn't share her desire to have young kids running around our home. I reassured her that my decision wasn't based on some scheme to derail her plans. I simply wasn't ready to handle the responsibilities of becoming a father. She backed off the topic for the night but over the next few weeks would always find a way to incorporate having kids into our conversations. It got to the point that I was actually feeling pressured. So I told her directly that I didn't want to have kids in the next year and that she would have to accept my decision. I was expecting her to go off but she took it well. She even apologized for making me feel pressured. She stopped bringing up having kids and we went back to enjoying our carefree lifestyle.
For the next few months I felt a relief that I wasn't being questioned every other day about having kids. I thought she had made peace with my decision. I thought she respected me enough as her husband and friend. Turns out she was quietly making plans to achieve her goals of being a mother. I found out that she was going days without taking her birth control. Then I realized that she was constantly try to have intercourse with me without a condom. I told her of my notices but she dismissed them as coincidence. The day quickly came when she eventually lost her composure and accused me of not loving her because I wouldn't make her a mother. I reassured her that it had nothing to do with a lack of love for her and that she had to trust me and my decision. She relaxed and seemed comforted by my truths. But appearances are most deceiving when looking at someone you love. Our anniversary came and the day was magical. She seemed genuinely happy which made me happy, little did I know that night would set in motion a series of events that would ultimately change the way I saw my wife. After dinner, dancing and experiencing the city we came home. My wife told me to get comfortable as the night now belonged to her. I eagerly prepared to engage in a night full of passionate love making as I waited in the bed my wife put her plan into action. She came out in a stunning sheer gown. She lit candles and poured two glasses of our favorite red wine. After we drank a couple of glasses we began to kiss and arouse each other. Then for me everything became blurry and next think I remember is that I have a terrible hang-over the morning afterwards. I awake to find my wife in a greater than usual mood, cooking a phenomenal breakfast. I ask her what happened last night and she proceeds to tell me that the wine must've been too strong because I eventually passed out. I apologized hoping it didn't spoil our night, she said it didn't and accepted my apology with a warm smile. So I went about the day without ever questioning that night again...until later that week when I was looking for some documents in our bedroom. While searching I discovered some samples of Viagra and Cialis in one of her drawers. I thought it was odd for her to have them but figured they may have come in the mail and she just stashed them away. I didn't make the final connection until I found a small bottle of Ketamine a couple of months later.
As I sat in my truck reading about the drug and it's purpose I learned that it can be used as a date rape drug. I was crushed. I couldn't remember our anniversary night because my own wife had slipped me a concoction to manipulate me into playing a vital role in her plans for the future. She had raped me. Why would my wife rape me?! Then the answer hit me like a brick to the face...she wants to be a mother. I tried to find another explanation. I tried to convince myself that she wouldn't do that to me...not to her husband. Eventually I couldn't contain my knowledge. I tried to be calm when I presented my evidence to her. Expecting her to deny me I was even more hurt when she confirmed my suspicions. She coldly told me that she wasn't going to wait another year for me to be ready to be a father. She wanted to be a mother now and that is what mattered most. She told me that she put the Ketamine into my drink that night and had unprotected sex with me in hopes that she would get pregnant. She wanted a baby and I would give her one whether I wanted to or not. I angrily left our home. I drove around the city for hours trying to calm my mind and suppress my anger. The woman had taken my choice away from me. She betrayed me. And what made the whole situation worst is that she intentionally disregarded my concerns as if they were not valid. I drove home with the intention to tell her that I would divorce her if she ever did that to me again. As I walked into our bedroom to deliver my ultimatum I see her sitting in a chair holding a white stick with a yellowish colored tip. She looks up at me and says "Congratulations, you are gonna be a daddy." Years later I still recall that night with such clarity. The chill of her cold malice still hurts my heart but I have learned to accept what is done cannot be undone. I choose to focus on the positives of that night. Months later I saw my boys come into this world, healthy and strong. I love my sons and am grateful the lord blessed me to be their father. The twins have brought a joy to my life that I never knew existed. I love them with all my heart but I secretly harbor a feeling of resentment towards them that is not their fault. I will never tell them that their conception was created with deceit. I will never tell them that a critical choice was taken away from me concerning their birth. I will never tell them what their mother did to me. I will never tell them I was raped...by my wife.
"Be BETTER TODAY, than you were yesterday."
TWIL
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