I MADE YOU Stop LOVING Me

   They say hindsight is 20/20 and now I understand why because even though my eyes are wide open it doesn't matter because my soul is torn. We are now so far past apologies that pleading for forgiveness or for another chance would further damage us. I remember hearing someone say that "time heals all wounds" unfortunately for some time just reminds them how deep the cut was and how much it hurt them. I am living proof of that right now. I let my pride speak before I listened to the desires of my heart. If I had just taken the time to quiet my mouth perhaps I would not be standing outside the comfort of your embrace. Standing without you by my side with all my belongings in a box staring at a door that may  remain forever closed to me. I am angry that I allowed it to spiral this far out of control. And the more I think about it the more upset I become. But why am I angry? I should have expected this outcome. It was I who ignored the signs that things were not as good as they once were. I was the one that failed to notice the wedge growing wider to divide us.

   I don't want to believe the truth but truth is something that will never change no matter how much you want it to. I have realized that fact far too late. After I have lost everything that I valued I know that the greatest threat to our relationship came from a source that I never thought would be capable of sabotaging it...me. I think I got comfortable. I think I felt safe as if our union was unbreakable. I believed that because of all we had managed to survive through the course of our relationship that we could recover from anything.  And it was that false sense of security that lured me away into the land of contentment. I stopped putting in the willpower to work. I stopped telling you I appreciated you. I stopped telling you how important you are, how much better you made my life. I stopped treasuring you.

Yes I accept responsibility now. I want to beat on your door and scream out "I WILL DO BETTER! I NEED YOU! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!" But it's too late. You have had enough. You will listen to my apologies no more. My separation papers have been served. So I leave quietly mulling over all my what-ifs. I didn't try hard enough when it would have made the difference. As I look back for the last time I understand that a relationship will never work with one person trying...it takes two. I relied on you to carry the both of us. I didn't do my part. I didn't share in the labor of love and so in the end I have to accept the role I played in the demise of our relationship. You believed that we would endure. But what you believed wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to make me believe in us. So here I am, alone and tortured by regrets as we go our separate ways. I hate to admit it but I destroyed what could have been a beautiful life together. Now there is no us. The things that I did, the things I was unwilling to do ultimately doomed us. I see that now. I made you not want to be with me anymore...I made you stop loving me.

Be GREAT TODAY, because you may not be given the time to be tomorrow.
TWIL