I never thought I would be here. We all know that the choices we make can create our own personal Heaven or own personal version of Hell. Sad thing is we don't realize how much we contribute to our own misery until we are knee deep in it. I lay here trying to calm my thoughts and filter out the sounds of lock down in the place I am now forced to call home. A cold, unforgiving and wretched place where 204 other men spend their days either shackled or caged this is where I reflect on my choices. I could have chosen another approach but I guess that's why they are called crimes of passion. I murdered my best friend and wife in a jealous rage. I executed both of them right there in the room where I caught them having sex. In the room mere steps away from where my kids were sleeping. The room where my wife and I had shared so many memories. In that room I took the lives of the two people who I had grown to love over the last 25 years.
I snapped there is no denying that. I guess suspecting something then having it confirmed in such a vivid way will do that. I knew my boy was a flirt. I knew he had no limits to the crazy shit he would do, hell I was his partner in crime for most of it. I listened to the stories of him humping other dudes wives and girlfriends but I never thought he would betray me. I should have told him that intentionally going after another man's woman was off limits instead of encouraging him. That was my mistake. A mistake that would come back to bite me. Truth is I knew how he was but I never imagined he would pursue MY WIFE. I mean we were damn near brothers. This was the rule that I should have never needed to tell him because he should know NOT TO TOUCH MINE?! I noticed the subtle glances they would share when they thought I wasn't looking. The extended hugs, the quiet smirks. I saw all that shit but I disregarded all the signs because I was CONVINCED that neither of them would do what I felt was me just being paranoid. I should have made the choice then to confront one or both of them just to let them know what I was thinking. But I didn't. I thought if I accused them of having an affair and was wrong I would lose them both. So I just pretended I was being the victim of my own paranoia. So as it turns out I should have given my suspicions more credibility. I wasn't supposed to be back in town for another three days but the conference was shut down earlier due to the contract talks falling apart. So I came home expecting to surprise my wife and kids. But I was the one that was in for the shock of my life.
I entered my bedroom to witness my wife and my best friend fucking like teenage rabbits. It was like I was watching the scene unfold in slow motion. I grabbed her first by her hair throwing her into dresser. He tried to position himself to protect himself from my unexpected appearance and subsequent rage but couldn't. I grabbed the lamp off the nightstand and just keep swinging. The screams woke my kids who instinctively ran into our room. What happened next is why I am residing here. My daughter screams at me in tears, "DADDY STOP! STOP HURTING MY MOMMY AND DADDY!" It wasn't bad enough that they were screwing behind my back, in my home but had MY BABY calling him daddy!!! I didn't even feel my hand grasp the handle of the pistol I kept in the safe in the closet. I didn't hear the sounds the slugs emptying from the clip. I never saw the splatter of blood as the bullets took their lives. I just saw the living embodiment of betrayal and revenge. I reacted in a emotional charged rage. I made the choice to succumb to my anger. I had just murdered my wife and best friend in front of my three kids. In a way I know I deserve to be here but I cannot shake the thought that they deserve what they got as well. I know it's not right but I am comforted some nights that my wife won't ever deceive me again and that my best friend had his last affair.
"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL
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