I guess my infatuation with marrying the perfect man began when I was a little girl. I would hang on every word in every book that my parents read to me about the princess who finds her prince. I would scream with delight at the end when they married and rode off into the sunset together to live their happily ever after. And because I thought that is what every little girl was meant to have I created in my mind the perfect image of what my future husband would have to be. Naively I held onto that image well into my young adult years. I never kept a boyfriend more than a couple of months because sooner or later they would eventually do something or I would find anything that would disqualify them as being marriage material in my eyes. It was always music to my father's ears when I would inform him that another boyfriend failed to make the cut. He would just respond, "Awww baby he wasn't good enough for you anyway." He didn't know it then but all the spoiling he did and the confirmations that no man was good enough for me made me believe that I would never have to change my expectations in my quest for a happily ever after. But after years of dating I hadn't found a man that I believed was marriage material, not one that was worthy of being my prince charming. The expectations that I was determined not to compromise on kept me single more often than I would've liked but I was happy with how my life had turned out so far...or so I thought I was.
It wasn't until the day my three childhood friends (all married to great guys with beautiful kids...I hate those bitches HAHAHAHAHA) called and asked me what we were going to do for my 30th birthday. As I sat alone at home after the conversation it hit me. I began thinking about how successful I was and all that I had accomplished and then I realized that there was something still missing in my life. And I almost cried when I finally acknowledged what it was...it was someone special to share it all with. I blamed myself for living in such a fantasy world for all those years. I had forced so many decent men out of my life because they could not meet my expectations. They always failed to uphold the image of what my perfect prince and future husband was supposed to be like. In the end all of them were ALMOST, but not quite marriage material. So as I often did when I was faced with girl problems that I can't talk to my girls about I called up my only true male friend, my big brother. He had always given me sound counsel over the years. Sometimes he was harsh but he was always truthful. He gave me great advice from a male's perspective but delivered it with the bluntness that none of my other friends would be bold enough to give me. So I waited patiently for him to pick up the line while listening to my niece run around with the phone screaming "Daddy!!! Auntie B is on the phone!!!" I hear his normally calm voice boom into the receiver "GIRL WHAT DO YOU WANT?! Do you know it's BED TIME?! We trying to get these kids to sleep and THEY RUNNING WILD! This BETTER be IMPORTANT!" As I quietly apologized for my call's disruption he sensed the seriousness of my tone and tells me to hold on. I can hear the muffled voices as he covered the phone obviously telling my sister-in-law something is wrong with me and he needed her to handle the kids alone tonight so he could talk with me.
The sounds of my nieces and nephews rampaging throughout the house go quiet as he heads downstairs and closes a door. He comes back on the line with his big brother concerned voice..."Hey, sorry about that. What happened? Are you alright?!" And it was at hearing his questions that I lost it. I began sobbing uncontrollably. I confess how my outlook on my love life had drastically and painfully changed. I explain to him how I wanted to be that confident young woman who refused to settle just to have a man. But then I tearfully remarked how I desperately wanted a good man, how I wanted that good man to love me. I told him how I was so tired of watching everyone around me live happily in love. Tired of listening to the questions of when I was going to marry and have a family. I wanted my happily ever after with my handsome prince. I wanted the man that was the perfect example of marriage material. After about 20 minutes of listening to me cry and reveal all the emotions that I thought were nonexistent spill out like a flood he went quiet for a couple of moments then softly spoke. "B, can I tell you what the problem is and has always been?!" You've spent your entire life searching for a prince like the ones in your story books from when we were small. That's why they were called fairy tales...they are not REALITY. In the real world there are NO PERFECT princes! Just men that will love you and do their best to be perfect for you. I mean look at me I am the POSTER BOY of a non perfect man, husband and father but I try and that is what any woman or man wants from their partner. You have to give someone the chance to do that." As he continues to speak I listen intently instead of interrupting him with my normal sassy responses and rebuttals. He then said something that made me immediately stop crying and laugh out loud.
He said, "I've been telling you since high school B that the bar you are setting for the men you date is so high that Jesus himself couldn't reach it. Based on your expectations even God isn't perfect enough to be your prince!" He laughed in response to my laughter and then the conversation turned from me sobbing away about my love disasters into a very productive and well need address of what I was doing and what I needed to stop doing. He told me something wise that he said Daddy told him hours before he himself was married. "Have requirements instead of expectations." I understood exactly what those words meant. I needed to have things that I would never break on but still be flexible enough bend and accept other things. He went on to explain to me that men need to know that a woman is worth chasing. He pointed out that because of some of my ridiculous expectations most guys were either were cut too soon or they themselves chose not to pursue anything more with me. It was after our conversation that I did some reevaluating. I was finally in a place where I could accept that the problem wasn't always the suitors I was rejecting sometimes it WAS ME. I was causing my own "bad luck" with achieving happily ever after. I was the one limiting the opportunities that I had to met a good guy that would work hard and love me enough to strive to become my "perfect" prince. By dismissing every man that showed interest in me because he didn't meet my every detailed expectation, I was not giving them the time to show me that they were willing to fulfill my requirements. So after talking with my big brother and hearing the shared wisdom of our Father I realized that the men weren't the only ones that were not perfect, I had my flaws too. I was also the one who was almost, but not quite marriage material.
"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring the greatness out of those around them." - TWIL
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