I AM NOT A BABY'S DADDY!!!

 
   The other day, I was on the phone with my wife trying to follow her instructions to prepare dinner and as we were talking my attention is taken away from her by hearing my oldest son yelling for me to come to him. I immediately dropped the phone and ran upstairs to his room. As I skip the steps three at a time my heart is pounding like a drum. When I get there I see my oldest son and his two younger brothers standing over their baby sister who is motionless and lying face down on the floor. I rush to her side and as I turn her over I can hear myself screaming at them "Call 911!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?! WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!! As I check to see if she is breathing she opens her eyes and says to me in her sweet and innocent voice, "I'm OK daddy! We just wanted to play a trick on you! I'm OK really I am!" I hold her in my arms and just begin to rock her.
 
   My boys come closer to me and I bear hug them all. My youngest boy wipes the tears from my cheeks that I didn't even know were there and says, "Sorry daddy we didn't mean to scare you." I look at him and say, "I know it's alright." I look at his older brother, their gang leader and say to him "Well played young sir! Ya'll got me good this time huh?!" He smiles and before he can run, because he knows what's coming next, I grab him and turn him upside and shake him while he and his siblings laugh and try to help him get out of my grasp. We all laugh as I chase them around the house for a minute before I leave them to play amongst themselves so that I can call their mother back so she doesn't suffer the same heart attack that I almost did.

   It is moments like these spent with my kids that make me realize how important they are to my life. I do everything possible to give my wife and our children a good life. So I take it really personal when men especially brown men are labeled as being "absentee", "bad" and my least favorite "dead-beat" dads. I am not the exception because I along with millions of other men are EXCELLENT FATHERS. We are the example of what devoted fathers look like. Now granted there are numerous men that abandon their children and their responsibilities when it comes to caring for their kids and THEY. AREN'T. SHIT!!! But for every one man that does neglect his seeds there are 1000's more men that are a constant presence in the lives of their offspring. We are brown and beige. We are single and married. We are gay and straight. We are poor and rich. We are old and young. We are first timers and we are seasoned veterans. We are coaches on the sidelines and princess tea party VIP's. We are a force that doesn't get the positive attention but it's time we are awarded the recognition that we deserve.

  As with many things in this world it is the negative that draws the headlines but we are not focusing on the negative we are highlighting the positive work that men across the globe and across the stretches of time have been doing since our creation. Fathers will never be held in the same regard as mothers and that is how it is supposed to be because mothers are truly special. But the fact that seems to always be overshadowed is what the father means to the family dynamic. We are the providers and protectors regardless if we are company presidents or stay at home dads. As fathers we are important and we are needed. So whenever I hear the term "baby daddy" I instantly get offended and sick because a man who fulfills his God given duty to raise his family should not be reduced to a horrible slang term. That is why I loudly and proudly proclaim for myself and for all the other millions of men to whom it applies to that...

"I AM NOT A BABY'S DADDY...I AM FATHER!!!"

"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL

To My DAUGHTER'S FUTURE HUSBAND

 

  Let me start this off with a bit of harsh truth. I don't have to like you. You don't have to like me either. But because my daughter has chosen you to become her husband...WE WILL HAVE TO RESPECT EACH OTHER. Now that doesn't mean that I neither like or respect you now because I do...a very little bit HAHAHAHA but I do. But it's just that this moment in my daughter's life is signaling a beginning to an end...in short SHIT JUST GOT REAL. This marriage is the proverbial nail in my coffin and I am just not ready to accept it yet. To your credit, you have had two things that have worked in your favor over the last couple of years...my daughter has really grown to love you and my wife her mother actually finds you pleasant but that wasn't enough for me to fawn over you and damn sure not enough for me to accept you as my "son". You have to understand that I have spent her entire life dreading this very moment, so forgive me if I do not share in your joint enthusiasm. You are now becoming much more than that polite and well groomed young man that our daughter continued to bring over to the house for dinner. You will no longer be just her boyfriend or her fiance. You are about to become so much more to her and to this family. You are about to walk down the aisle and literally take my baby girl out of my hands and away from me. You are about to change my daughter's last name from the one I gave her the day her mother brought her into this world to a hyphenated version that includes yours...so yeah I'm still a little sour about this whole marriage thing.

   For the last couple of decades I have been the most constant man in her life a staple of sorts. I have been the shoulder she cried on when assholes made tears fall from her eyes. I was in her corner encouraging her to punch back when the world had her up against the ropes. I has holding her when she smiled her first beautiful smile. I was standing behind her when she took her first steps. Talking to her when she spoke her first words. Sitting next to her in the passenger seat as she first learned how to drive. The loudest one clapping in the audience when she earned her first degree. I have been there for every important first in her life since she became the most important first in my life so you are accepting a monumental responsibility. You are about to take all that away from me and create a whole new world of firsts with her which I am both sad and happy about. But to be honest what bothers me most is that she will now be looking to you to help provide for her, protect her and keep her happy. You are taking away every job I had as her father and making them your own as her husband. Know that I wasn't perfect in that role but I did my best not to fuck up and you damn sure better do the same! You have never given me a bad gut feeling about your character or your intentions toward my baby (and fair warning I do know that ya'll have had sex but that is another issue I will address at a later time!) but that doesn't makes this pill any easier to swallow.

  You know by now how special she is to her mother and I. We have did our best to prepare her to stand on her own or by the side of a mate, so I can tell you that you are going into this thing with the best possible partner. But also remember that in that preparation we also taught her not to accept anything less than the best. Her mother taught her not to take any shit from any person let alone a man and I trained her what to do if anyone attempted to do give her any. So when you have your issues just remember she is my daughter and if you do ANYTHING that causes her to come home bruised, broken or in pain due to your anger whether provoked or not YOUR ASS belongs to me and her Uncle Speaker and her 12 little cousins will be coming to visit you. But the promises of retribution aside...I believe you to be a good dude if I didn't this wedding would not be happening with my blessing or our money. Our daughter is my legacy. She is my greatest achievement, one of the two halves of my heart and soul. So please understand that I will do everything in my power to see her happy in life which means I will protect and defend her with my last breath even if that means going against you. As the future "CO-NUMBER ONE MAN" in her life you will have to accept sooner or later that she will always be more than just your future wife and or mother of your children...she is the product of a great love and will be treated as such. A love that I am grateful to have experienced as you should be if you already are not. And until you have learned to appreciate and respect that fact you will ALWAYS be seen and treated by me as my daughter's husband instead of the son-in-law I would welcome with open arms. I am giving you the greatest gift that was ever given to me, so I beg you please...don't make me regret it.

Respectfully Still Number One
Your future wife's father

"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL

YES!!! FATHERHOOD DID DESTROY MY LIFE!!!

   As I begin to write this a little girl who looks like a miniature version of me runs full speed into the den screaming at the top of her lungs, "DADDY!!! DADDY!!! COME LOOK AT WHAT I DID!!! COME HERE!!! COME HERE!!!" I push back from the desk and follow her into the living room where she presents the source of her excitement...a five course play doh picnic. She had carefully crafted numerous lumps of the colorful substance into shapes that resemble real food. I sit down next to her on the blankets, say grace and we begin to "eat". And as she passes me food to try, I think to myself...just how much of a GIGANTIC WASTE OF MY FREAKING TIME it would have been had I stayed sitting in my chair instead of joining her. And as it has been for much of the last 5 years, I routinely find myself doing the things that MATTER MOST TO HER than doing the things that I think are important to me. So instead of writing I took a break and shared a meal with my baby girl. We ate the play doh sandwiches, fries, strawberries and pizza and drunk the imaginary tea and juice. We laughed when we faked burped and even had a food fight (by the way play doh IS NOT as soft as it looks either)!

   Another good memory for both her and I to cherish. As we cleaned up (and we as in I did while she watched TV)  I realized how much I thoroughly enjoy her company and cool she can be most days. Because there are moments when she can be a consistent pain ESPECIALLY when she gives me attitude! But we have more good than bad days together as daughter and father and as with any relationship, that's the goal...to have more good than bad. So after she is in bed I come back to writing and as I focus on how to start this chapter I think about our picnic and other fun times we share. I reflected on how much her existence has transformed my life. I remembered how my life was before her and how it has been since she arrived. And it was the realization of that comparison that shocked me because I wasn't ready for the hard core truth. It made me recall years ago someone telling me before I was even close to becoming a father, "that when you have kids they change who you are and who you would have become without them."

   But what they neglected to tell me, probably on purpose, was that not only will having kids change you personally THEY WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE LIFE HAHAHAHAHA. Everything that you thought was important or wanted in life will not only take a back seat to their needs and wants but they will be thrown out the window and dragged until your dreams become unrecognizable. You will spend the next 17-23 years busting your ass trying to give them everything you had and or didn't have because you love them more than your own life and want them to be happy. They will force you to exhibit patience you never knew you had when they constantly and intentionally push buttons you never existed. They are loud, hungry, dirty, rude, smelly, aggravating, embarrassing yet entertaining mini versions of yourself and sometimes you will despise them for it. But after all the tantrums and tears you still love the little monsters because they are YOUR little monsters!

   Now before she was born I played Madden for hours on hours before and after work until my wife made me come to bed. I could go where ever I wanted and could hang with my boys for as late as I wanted. My time was MY TIME, I WAS FREE!!! Yes I was married but my lady was grown. She made her own money, drove her own car and had keys to our home so essentially even though I cared for her she didn't NEED ME to CARE FOR her...ya dig?! So in theory I was a man with no strings attached and no major obligations. That all changed the day our daughter left Heaven and came into this world. From her first breath to her last, it was now my duty as her father, my God given responsibility, to provide for her the best possible life I could. And in order to do that I had to grow, adapt and change into someone that I was not. It was a struggle at first but providing her with a quality of life became more important than fulfilling my own wants. So I traded Madden and my PlayStation for a diaper bag and a rocking chair. My happy hours for late night bottle feedings. Sportscenter for Disney Junior. Hanging out all night with my boys to sleeping on her bedroom floor until the early morning just to make sure monsters didn't get her while she slept.

   My life was forced into a COMPLETE 360 all without my consent. At times I felt I had been hoodwinked and bamboozled because I had no manual, no instructions and no right or wrong way to help raise this child. I had no idea how to be a father let alone become the most important male figure that my baby girl would have in her life. But I focused myself and made the choices that would remold me into what I prayed would be a better man. All because a warm hearted, hilarious, intelligent and beautiful little girl choose us to be her parents. Fatherhood is one of those things in life that can get harder to handle with time BUT I swear it is WORTH. EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. I am eternally honored and privileged to be a daddy. So, YES!!! FATHERHOOD DID DESTROY MY LIFE!!! But when it did, my life was rebuilt and I was given a new purpose. I even earned an awesome new title...HAVEN'S DAD! And in my mind that is something to be quite proud of.

"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL