My wife said something to me the other day as we were talking about the possibility of going half on another heir and it put me in a weird place. It wasn't so much what she said but the absolute truth of the words she spoke with. She said she hopes we have another girl because she believed that I would treat our son very different from the way I would his sister(s). I got pissed at first because I took her comments to mean that she thought I would be a bad father to our son. But after I thought about what she said I realized I was mad because she was 100% correct and I wasn't ready to hear it. I would hold my son to a much more difficult standard and in a different regard than I would his female siblings. Was the change in my parenting so obvious that my lady was actually hoping for another baby girl instead of a boy to protect him from me?! As most men do when they are confronted by truths they don't want to accept, I responded with denial and then I threw a tantrum. She continued, telling me to think about how different I treated my nephews from my nieces. And as my wife LOVES to do (and what most wives enjoy doing) when she knows she has the upper hand she began hammering me with her supporting evidence until I had no choice but to surrender and sing her praises. I had to backtrack and tell her how exceptionally beautiful and intelligent she was in order for her to just leave me be hahahahaha.
Now as much as I prided myself on being the super-cool uncle I realized there was a major flaw in my mindset. I was always more strict on my nephews and their consequences were always more severe than those faced by their sisters. Even when they would complain about the unfairness I would tell them to suck it up and stop whining. If they got hurt I would tell them to stop crying like a baby and "man-up". If they didn't want to play sports outside I would make them play and run the score up until they ran in the house crying. I always put my nephews in charge and made them the ones responsible when a mess or accident occurred. Even now as my oldest nephew is in the Marines and an 18 year old young man I still randomly text or call him just to remind him that I can still take him just in case he ever thinks I can't. I realized that this tough guy complex was only applied to him and my other nephews and younger male cousins. And as my wife gave other examples I understood what she was saying. Our son would have to try so much harder to earn my trust and gain my approval than our daughter(s) would. I was upset because my wife had exposed me for the parental hypocrite that I would undoubtedly become if we were to welcome a baby boy into our lives.
So in hindsight I believe it was the good Lord's design that our first born was a girl. Folks say you learn so much from your first child and that knowledge allows you to become better prepared for the siblings that may follow. I agree with that to a certain degree because I do believe parenting becomes more familiar but being better prepared I don't know because every child is different. So similar tactics and methods that worked with the first child may not yield the same expected results with the second, third and so on. We have a good number of friends that have multiple children both mixed and all one gender and the one thing that I do notice is that the oldest child regardless of sex is always treated differently (not badly just different) from the younger siblings. But again I think that is all dictated by the parenting style and the child(ren's) demeanor. For me though, from the first time I saw her face and heard her heartbeat I have never regretted nor did I long for a son. Because in all truth everything that I would do with my baby boy I happily do now with our little girl and I actually prefer it that way. The stress of teaching a boy how to be a good man is much more difficult when compared to raising a girl to recognize the qualities that a good man should have and how a good man should treat her.
Haven and I watch and play sports together. We wrestle and fart out loud and laugh at the same silly things. We tag-team her momma just to annoy her for laughs. We have crazy fun and it's not based on doing gender specific things. I have taught her how to use a hammer and what a screwdriver is. I am her best customer when she opens her beauty shop. We have tea parties and watch superhero movies. We play in her Tinkerbell tent and have wicked light-saber battles. There aren't certain things we do just because she is a girl and there is nothing we can't do because she is not a boy. When she falls down and scraps her knee I don't baby her because she is a little girl. I wipe her tears and tell her to pick herself up because that's how I would treat my son too because I want her to be strong and learn how to deal with pain and disappointment. Now sometimes I do let her get away with stuff that I probably wouldn't let my son slide on (per Crystal more so than I think). I will at times take the heat for her with her mother so she won't get in trouble but I think that is more because she is the only child and I like to think I would do the same for my son but I would definitely give him a little more grief about it.
The reality of co-raising a young child has by all means NOT been a cake walk but I do think it has been easier because she is a girl. Our daughter can be exceptionally worrisome and severely aggravating at times but for the majority she is a well mannered and respectful child. Sure we deal with the smart mouth and the attitudes but it all boils down rather quickly. When she gets out of line with either my wife or myself I will not hesitate to check her and punish her behavior if it warrants discipline. Now because I am a man many people might find all this rather odd. Why would a father prefer to co-raise a girl verses a boy? Well...its rather simple if you think about. Girls are less trouble than boys, of course that is an opinion based entirely on my own experiences. But I have a far more personal answer to that question and it revolves around leaving a legacy. Women possess the cradle of life and our grandchildren will enter into this world because of the shared love that their grandma and grandpa had that culminated in their mother's creation. Of course I will have to deal with situations that our daughter will encounter, ones that I am not looking forward to at all (growing boobs, periods, heartbreaks and girl drama) but I would rather deal with those than have another male in my house competing for my wife's time and affection...F THAT! I am not worried about having a son that will carry on my name. Hell, I didn't carry my father's I created my own! So I am more than OK passing the torch to our daughter. But make no mistake though, I am eternally grateful that my wife and our baby both survived the birthing process many years ago and remain healthy to this day. BUT if I can be honest I'm happy and so very thankful that our first born child was a baby girl instead of a baby boy! Besides I don't think the world needs another mini Tim Wilson running around, one is enough! And if you really know me you KNOW how true that previous statement really is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
"You are either the greatest threat...or the greatest contributor to your own happiness." - TWIL
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