Dear ...
I know receiving this letter after so many years may seem like I am deliberately going out of my way to reopen healed wounds and throw around accusations but hear me out because it is far from that. This letter is more of an acknowledgement statement. The way things ended between us and how they are now needs to be addressed so please allow me just a couple of paragraphs to do that. When we started out we were both young and headstrong so we were blessed to be able to grow together in the same direction. For much of our relationship we both reaped the benefits of supporting each other's dreams and catering to our desires. When our kids entered the picture things went from good to great, so it's safe to say that was a true bright spot of our union. So let me say this before I get lost in my thoughts. I will ALWAYS be in your debt from bringing our children into this world and helping to raise and guide them into the strong successful persons that they are now. But for us, I think somewhere along the progression of life we forgot WHY we were together, failed to remember WHY we fell in love with each other. Even though I have never felt that the lost of love was why we slowly began to deteriorate I do believe complacency and false expectations helped to destroy us.
I also want to apologize for initiating this. The look in your eyes and the tears on your cheeks almost killed me but I believed we owed it to each to try to be happy apart since we could no longer be happy together. Maybe if we both fought just a little harder for each other, our combined determination would have been enough. But as we learned the hard way, in a marriage, time always makes sure that the "maybes" are never enough. It's a trip because as I prepare to add my own initials to the papers that I gave you I can't help but reflect on HOW we got to this point. Now looking back over all the great times we shared I can see now that it was those moments that overshadowed the growing issues that would later divide us. I believe now not addressing those situations then caused us to miss the vital opportunities we needed to strengthen our marriage. I can't speak for you but I truly believe I took you for granted. I tried to carry the load alone instead of trusting you to do your part. In doing so I felt like many times you didn't appreciate me. I focused so much time and effort into making you happy that I failed to see that other things were making you miserable. I made the mistake of believing that as long as I supplied your needs it would lessen the impact of the pains I caused. I didn't listen to the cries of your heart.
I see the error of my logic now, it's cliche I know, too little far too late. I want you to know that I came by the house the other day with the intention of saying these thoughts to you but I froze on the porch. I stood in front of the door we had picked out together all those years ago trying to will myself to knock. I wanted to hug you tightly, kiss your face, tell you I missed you and I loved you. I went there foolishly thinking that maybe if we shared one last embrace it would wipe away all the strife and pettiness we subjected each other to over the course of this process. But instead I decided against it because I didn't want to make this any more stressful or seem confrontational so I left solemnly. I came back to my house and began to pen this letter. It wasn't until I took time to put my thoughts on paper instead of speaking off the cuff in anger and in hurt that I gained a better understanding and acceptance of the why. Even though I do regret that we never made it to forever as we often said we would I am thankful that I got to experience, for more better than worse, thirty two wonderful years with you. Because despite that we will no longer be husband and wife I will always love you. I will forever cherish the memories we created and I am proud of the family and life we built together.
With love,
...
"You are either the greatest contributor...or the greatest threat to your own happiness." - TWIL
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