My father, who was quite the ladies man himself in his day, told me when I turned fourteen during our sex talk "the wiser your mind gets, the better decisions your dick will make." As a young boy I couldn't understand what the fuck he was talking about but now as I sit on this bed taking what may be my last breaths I understand. It seems my ignorance has finally evolved into wisdom. A little too late I admit to save me...but perhaps not too late to spare another young man a similar fate. I let my penis constantly make horrible decisions that might ultimately cost me my life and I have to accept the consequences of those choices. But sometimes the knowledge we attain isn't meant to save ourselves but to save those that come after us. So I offer my knowledge to every man out there plugging his baby maker into every available outlet with utter disregard for his safety or the potential consequences...pay attention as I share my confessional. Since I became sexual active at the age of twelve (I know I was a fast ass) I have treated females as toys. They were played with for as long as they held my attention then discarded as soon as something nicer came along. I did this shit for years with reckless abandonment.
So fast forward nine years and I haven't changed. Now in college with so much more experience I have grown into a full fledged man-hoe. It was something that I was weirdly proud of. All the dudes knew I was a pussy magnet and all the women couldn't resist my pull. I was good at whoring because I made my "victims" feel loved. I never disclosed what happened under the sheets so the accusations and rumors could never be validated completely. I made my women feel special, never disrespected or neglected. I gave them more than an excellent dose of penis. I gave them dedicated attention. I provided a shoulder to cry on, arms to comfort them as well as a warm bed to hump in. I was, in my mind at the height of my game with no plans to retire. I was sexing at one time in my career nine women at the same time. Some knew of the others but didn't care because when I was with her I made her feel like there was no other woman more important than she. My championship reign ended the night of my 21st birthday. I met Nicole when I was out having celebratory drinks with my frat brothers. She approached me with a confidence that I was immediately attracted to. So we exchanged numbers. The mutual attraction was so strong that we ended up texting each other mere hours after we met. So as the texts went out my game was turned on.
I invited her over to my apartment that night and when she arrived I was overwhelmed yet pleasantly pleased because she initiated what was to be the start of many glorious one night stands. She gave me the best night of my life and for the first time I thought I had fallen in love because her sex game was the greatest I had ever experienced! Over the next couple of months we hooked up on an almost daily basis. Since she never questioned me about having other women I never had a thought to inquire about her life outside of my sheets. All I cared about was that she was giving me all that I ever wanted sexually and that was enough to keep me happy. But as they say "you cannot build your happiness on the misery of others". Now for as reckless as I was I wasn't dumb. I knew after years of being with all those different women that I had never been faithful to any of them and I never cared if I was the person a girl was cheating on her man or woman with. But you know hindsight is 20/20 and Karma is a bitch that doesn't forget a thing.
So as I was gearing up for my entry into the real world I felt fucking great. I was going to be graduating with honors next month with a guaranteed career position at a prestigious company. I had access to gorgeous women hand over fist. I was living the high life...Mr. Untouchable or so I thought. It all shattered in my face when I answered that knock at my door. Since I wasn't expecting company I peer out the window and I see Nicole's car. I ignored the fact that it was odd for her just to pop up unannounced but because I was always willing to indulge in her loving I opened the door anyway. Standing before me was not Nicole but some big ass dude with a very calm yet threatening expression on his face. He says "I'm Nicole's boyfriend can I come in?!" And with that I am immediately put on guard. So I naturally respond with "Naw man...I don't know you or a Nicole so you can't come in". Before I could slam the door in his face he steps towards me displaying the pistol that was at his side. I give up my space and gesture for him to enter. He coolly walks past me inspecting my place. I say "look man, I don't want this to get out of hand so how about you sit down and we can talk about whatever you came here to discuss." I gesture him toward the couch and I walk into the kitchen offering him a bottled water.
He stands in front of the couch with his back to me looking down at it while still clutching the pistol in his hand. I take the opportunity to retrieve the hand gun hidden in the cabinets behind the bar, one of three pieces that I keep scattered around the house just in case some chick got crazy or for the rare moment a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend comes to my pad starting some shit. He turns around and without saying a word raises the gun at me. I try to appeal to him with words but I can see he is past reasoning with. So I move myself into a better position to shoot him if my pleading doesn't persuade him to put his gun down. It doesn't and he pulls the trigger. The first shot hits me directly in the shoulder slamming me into the nearby wall. I immediately raise my pistol and empty the clip. Despite the deafening sound of gunfire I only hear my heartbeat. I swear it seemed like days had past as I was slumped against the stove before police and paramedics finally made it to my place. The resulting memories were a jumbled mess of images...ranging from the EMT's strapping me to a stretcher, to the police trying to get a statement to the bright ceiling lights of the ER.
The clarity of what transpired in my place after the first shot was fired is made available by my father as he and my mother stand at my bedside crying and talking with the hospital staff. It seems I only remembered and felt the shoulder shot but didn't feel the other three that hit my stomach and chest causing massive damage to my inner organs. I am connected to a machine that is helping me breath now so I cannot talk, forced only to listen to what the nurses and doctors are telling my parents. Apparently I shot her nutty ass EX-boyfriend to death that day in my apartment hitting him in the chest, neck and face. Turns out the crazy bastard had been stalking her for months and finally went into a jealous rage which ended with him executing her and her roommates minutes before he drove to my house in an attempt to murder me as well.
As I try to accept the consequences of my acts I hear my pop's words in my head..."the wiser your mind gets, the better decisions your dick will make." It seems my mind got older but not wiser. I failed to make the change from a boy to a real man. A change that could have prevented what I am now suffering through. You know every choice a man makes can either better his life or ruin it. So hopefully this is a lesson in life that if you heed, will save you from learning the hard way. This is my gift to you so that you when you meet the right woman you won't treat her as simply an object of sexual attraction. But take the time to treasure her for all her gifts not just the one she sits on. Being a player or pimp is not what men are intended to become. Men are destined to be Kings...Kings that live happily with his one Queen surrounded by their heirs to the throne that she has blessed him with. A woman is meant to bring more than sexual pleasure into a man's life. And until a man sees a woman for more than just her vagina he will sooner or later endure the pain caused by the poor choices his dick makes instead of receiving the blessings by following the wisdom of his mind and heart which will lead him to a good woman. So this is my confessional...these are the regrets of a faithful cheater.
"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL
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