I will admit raising four daughters has always been challenging. We endured through some rough times before their mother lost her battle to breast cancer but after she passed away from us a difficult job seemed to evolve into an impossible task. So as a man, trying to guide four young girls on their life journeys as they grew up into women, I struggled mightily but we all persevered. All four of my baby girls made it to young adult hood without major incident. But the irony of life is that when things finally seem to be going right something unplanned disrupts it making you feel everything has gone wrong. The youngest of our girls was 6 when my wife died so naturally her mother's death affected her more than her older sisters. Seeing this I did my best to give them what they all needed and rightfully deserved, my undivided time and attention. But I admit I failed to provide it constantly. I was either to busy working or just plain too tired from running all four of them here and there to their individual activities. I look back now and realize that was a piss-poor excuse. And now I think maybe if I would have spent a fraction more of my time with them perhaps this tragedy could have been avoided. But as life teaches us some of the worst things we experience reveal themselves to be our greatest lessons. One weekend when I was out of town on a business trip I gave my oldest daughter, who at the time was 22 and had recently completed her college career, and her sisters permission to use our timeshare because it was summer and all the girls were out of school. Now over the years my oldest had proven herself to be quite trustworthy. She had become my savior in a sense because she had willingly and proudly taken on the roll of a second parent. But in many ways she was still a child, and it was this fact that I chose to disregard because I trusted her to care for her sisters.
It would be that decision that I would later come to question. My oldest daughter at the suggestion of her friends decided a party needed to be had to celebrate their mutual graduation and impeding entry into the real world and used the aptly timed available timeshare as the location to hold the festivities. As one could imagine her younger sisters who were 19, 17 and 15 respectively had no where to go and were thrilled that they could attend an older crowd party without having to sneak in. My oldest, as we all have done at various times, choose this night to use her poorest of judgements decided that being her sister's cooler older sibling was much more important than being their responsible guardian and father's stand-in. Along with the growing number of visitors and loud music, alcohol and weed smoke flowed freely and my underage daughters were allowed to participate in the celebrations. As the story was revealed later to me my 17 year old had gotten so pissy drunk that she was stumbling and falling about and was taken upstairs by my 22 and 19 year-old to sleep it off. But instead of one of them staying with her, locking the bedroom or better yet not allowing her to drink they left her alone, unprotected and unattended and went back to continue the party. Then that's when my 15 year old heard her sister's screams. Two young adults one male one female found my daughter half-passed out and decided it would be "fun" to make a sex tape staring my intoxicated daughter. Thankful my other daughters and guests heard the fight that erupted when my 17 year old became conscience enough to scream during her attempts to fight off her rapists. The whole incident was both fortunately and unfortunately filmed so the culprits were caught and punished but the damage had already been inflicted and my daughter was now a victim. She had experienced something that no person especially a young girl should have to experience in their lifetime...she had been the victim of a rape.
My oldest daughter was also traumatized because the person's involved were people she called friends. My other two daughters also carried the burden of knowing their poor decisions contributed to their sister's pain. It was a night, that like my daughters, I cannot forget. It changed all of us forever. We all went to counseling because this was a family issue that needed to be addressed, confronted and resolved by the family. In all honesty I was furious with all four of my girls because they all could and should have made better decisions that night. My oldest should have never put her sisters' well being before the desires of her and her friends. And the other three should NEVER had been drinking regardless of what was happening around them. I have had to walk a fine line with all four of them in a way that I don't blame them outright for what happened but also in the same breath try to express to them that their choices that night were a domino cause and effect that resulted in the irreversible moments and memories that we all carry. My wife always stressed to me that every decision that I would make as a father and husband would not only affect me but our family as well. So it seems without a cruel sense of irony she was right. It was my decision to choose other things to give my time to that cost me precious teachable moments with my girls. The guilt I carry is heavy. I often have to remind myself that in time the burden will get lighter but with every year that passes the load doesn't seem to lighten, I guess that's the price I am destined to carry as their father. It has been about eight years since that night and the time has helped heal the hearts and strengthen the minds of all my girls. Their bonds of sisterhood have strengthened beyond anything their mother or I could have ever wished for them. They have all grown up into intelligent beautiful young women and their decisions have put them all in positions to become successful in their own right. But many times late at night when I am home alone looking at family pictures I think about how I wasn't there for them when it would have mattered the most. I shed tears because in my mind...I believe that my daughter's rape...was her father's failure.
"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring greatness out of those around them." - TWIL
No comments:
Post a Comment