YOU GAVE YOUR LOVE...SO I GAVE MY HEART

   I don't like to use the words HATE and BITCH...but maaan after 15 years of being with her I can honestly say with all my heart...I HATE THAT BITCH!!! Now I know you're saying geez that's a little harsh aint it?! And to those that don't know the story and back history yes it may seem harsh but it is true. I hate that bitch and that bitch hate me, probably more that I hate her. But it wasn't always like this. Actually there was a time when both of us were so deep in love with each other that I never imagined we would ever be able to surface. But time has an uncanny way of revealing the true nature of people and the feelings you have about them. I think it first began with the birth of our son. I started to notice how she treated me more as a personal object to control instead of her partner in marriage and parenthood. By the time our fourth child was born she had mutated into a jealousy filled raging monster the likes of which I had never seen. So eventually her temper and paranoid delusions became so great that I had to devise an escape. So the process of gaining my freedom from her rage began. We fought in and out of the courts for two and a half years. We fought over EVERYTHING from the silverware to the lawn furniture. It was an ugly affair but after the bombs had finished falling and the love we had shared was decimated our marriage was divorced and we were finally separated. I think her anger turned to hate the day the judge asked us about what we planned to do about the custody of our children. See even though she would flip the fuck out on me she was so sweet and gentle to our kids. I never doubted the care they received in her presence.  But during a divorce, shit gets real and you are forced to play hard ball.

  You see because she was such a phenomenal mother they only card I had to play was our career paths. I had so much flexibility when it came to my job. I could leave my office if someone needed to pick the kids up from school or work from home if they were sick and couldn't go. My wife worked in a fast paced environment so taking any time off from her career required planning months in advance. But we lived together so it all worked out but now we were splitting up and what was once a compromise became an advantage. So I told the judge "she is crazy as hell your honor but only towards me. She has always been an excellent mother but because of her job I believe I would be able to maintain the home life the children have grown up with and become accustomed to." He agreed with me and granted us joint custody with the exception that the kids would live with me during the school year. And because I had the kids I was also awarded spousal support. Case closed! Battle won! But unfortunately the war was just beginning and so was the hate that I would eventually harbor for the woman I once loved. So she moved out of our house but leaving the kids was too much for her and she spazed. She attacked me in a rage the night she came to get the last of her belongings. She ended up stabbing me in the arm with a letter opener. I thought I finally had the proof that this chick was bananas. Because every other time she showed her ass she never did it around the kids or other people so when I would complain to folks that she was a classic psycho they never believed me. She was a master at preplanned crazy, a classic manipulator. She knew the kids were at my mother's house that night so she could go full crazy on me without traumatizing the babies or blowing the facade she kept up as a normal person. She told the judge it was just "temporary insanity" because of all that had transpired with the divorce and moving out. Of course her lawyer played the heart broken mother card and the judge bought it. I knew it was bullshit but had to take the L.

   Fast-forward five years into the divorce and our mutual hate has become a beautiful thing but as always we hid it well from the kids. I think that was the best thing about the love we had it carried over so that we were ALWAYS civil for their sake. We never cussed, fought or bad mouthed each other in their presence but maaan hahahahahaha if you could've read our text messages or heard our late night conversations it was like night and day. It was clear and evident that I HATED THAT BITCH and that BITCH HATED ME!!! But it is true that LOVE is more powerful than any emotion including hate. One day my ex-wife asked to come over. As much as I despised her presence I always felt compelled to gave her an audience. Hell she brought our kids into this world and was a great mother so for those two reasons alone I would always be indebted to her. So I welcomed her and gave her my undivided attention. She told me that night she had learned that her heart was giving out on her. She was becoming weaker every day and the doctors told her that she would die within the year if she didn't get a heart transplant. She wanted me to know that she never meant for our life together to end the opposite way it had began. She was basically telling me she was dying and was asking me to forgive her. She wanted to be a complete family again before death took her away. My first thought was BULLSHIT!!! Because she was so talented at playing me I just figured it was another plan to fuck with me. I gave her the textbook "we will see" speech and sent her crying ass on her way. Because this was a new tactic I decided to do my own investigations instead of accepting or dismissing the information she had just presented to me. So I confirmed with her father that what she had told me was the gospel truth. As crazy as it sounds and as much as I couldn't stand her, it broke my heart to know that my ex-wife, the greatest mother my kids will ever know had only months left to live. And after much deep thought and against every fiber in my mind I allowed her to come back home. We were going to be a family again.

   Weeks past without incident and I admit it was an awesome feeling having her back home. One night I came home from work to find the kids had all piled in our bed like they use to do and were watching a movie. My ex-wife was in the center and for the first time in many years I didn't see the vindictive woman that had made a living making my life hell but I saw the woman that I fell in love with. And it was that vision that proved that LOVE can conquer all. The next morning I consulted with my good friend who was a Cardio-surgeon. I asked him to pull some strings to see if he could bump my ex-wife up the list for a transplant. After much work he informed me that there was nothing he could do because hearts were so rare to acquire for transplants. Needless to say I was devastated. I kept thinking about our babies especially our three girls growing up without their mother. I sat and sobbed in his office and in my despair I told him that I wish I could give her my heart. The spoken words rattled deep into my brain. I COULD GIVE HER MY HEART. Love had provided a solution to an unsolvable problem. It was with that declaration that I made the decision to do something that I thought I would never do for someone who I believed I had come to hate. I feverishly made calls and setup secret appointments and felt a joy in my spirit when I was finally told that the surgery could happen. Our children would have their mother and a father would make the greatest sacrifice for the ones he LOVED. In the weeks leading up to the surgery I got all my affairs in order. I updated my will to make sure our kids would be taken care of. I told my close family and friends my plans and said my goodbyes. I spent my last days with the kids having the best and last times together with them. All those that needed to know were informed of my choice except my ex-wife because I felt she would try to talk me out of it. So the morning of the surgery I just hugged her tight told her that despite our problems I have and will always love her. We shared a moment that only lovers could and then I said my goodbyes as if I was leaving for work. I asked my father-in-law to bear the monumental responsibility of informing his daughter that when he took her into the hospital later that day for her heart check-up she would also be the recipient of a healthy heart and that her death would be delayed. My final request was that after she woke up from the surgery to have our kids and family there to surround her bed and to have our baby girl present her a small gift box. A box which contained a gold heart pendant and a note folded inside only for her eyes to read. I made the note simple but with as much truth as I could, it read..."if you ever wonder why I...it is because YOU GAVE YOUR LOVE...SO I GAVE MY HEART."

"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring out the greatness...in those around them." - TWIL