noun: marriage; plural noun: marriages
1. the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife; a relationship between a man and woman or between two persons of the same sex.
2. a combination or mixture of two or more compatible elements.
I would always ask myself growing up, if this is what marriage is all about then...WHY THE HELL would ever I want to get married?! Because through my eyes getting married had to be probably the WORST DECISION a person could ever make in their entire life! So as I grew into manhood my thoughts on marriage were simple...FUCK MARRIAGE. Kind of harsh right?! Yeah maybe...but let me share my story with you before you judge my views on the subject. As a young boy I witnessed up close and personal exactly how fucked up the institution of marriage was. My sister and I watched daily how our mother would relentlessly beat the shit out of my dad both verbally and physically. In short she was a HORRIBLE wife and a mediocre mother at best. Now it wasn't that she was completely evil because she did have her moments of good but she had many demons that she couldn't outrun or live down and she took that out on my father. My dad was a quiet peace keeper that some might have confused as being a coward but he wasn't a punk because he never hesitated to display his immense courage and strength when it mattered. But his problem was that he was too soft of a man when it came to my mother.
He rarely checked my mother when she would go ape shit. I believe that was because he was so blinded by his love and attraction to her that he constantly accepted her treatment of him believing that was just how she expressed her love for him...fucked up right?! I know but allow me to continue! He absorbed every insult, every cuss word, every push and every punch. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she threw at him he took it with his chest out and his face twisted into a smile. To his credit the only time he would stand up to my mother was when she tried to fuck with us the way she fucked with him. It was always in those moments that he never hesitated to defend my sister and I. If she started to berate us he would become the barrier to shield and separate us from her, whether we were right or wrong he defended us against her type of "love" and discipline. And in hindsight it was his unwavering protection of us that made him the target and the sole recipient of her aggressive tendencies. Growing up as children you seem to accept everything without question until you learn better. So it would be that way until I learned much later in my young adulthood that my parent's marriage wasn't "normal".
When I left home to for college I ended up attending a school a couple of states away in the same general location where my grandparents lived so I would often visit them since they were so close. At first it was funny to hear my grandma call my grandpops an "old piece of worthless shit" or see her strike him across his legs with her cane. But then as I witnessed it happen more frequently I became ashamed to see my grandmother treating my grandfather that way and I would find myself intervening to protect him from her abuse. I soon realized that the reason the behavior bothered me and seemed so familiar was that I had seen it growing up. It was the same way my mother treated my father! WHAT. THE. FUCK!!! It all made sense! Things were now clear as Crystal. My dad was the by product of this horrible environment, collateral damage caught up in this ridiculous example of a marriage. He grew up having to watch his own mother verbally and physically abuse his father and he witnessed first hand the toxic union that my grandparents had.So when he married he allowed the relationship he shared with my mother to mirror the one he grew up with watching his parents.
Truth is it was some really sad heart wrenching shit to accept because it was like finding out your black great-great-grandparents who worked on the Underground Railroad also owned black slaves. The revelation wasn't all bad though because I was glad to learn that my dad's acceptance of my mom's behavior wasn't random. He didn't stay with her for all this time just because he was fucked up from being stupid in love. He had learned to see that type of "love" as normal because it was damn near programmed into his head since he was a young boy himself so that love was all he knew. It's a trip because when we were little kids my pops would always say it wasn't mommy but the "drinks" that made her so tempermental. He always excused her behaviors and made it seem that she couldn't control her actions. When in essence it was he that couldn't control his actions. He couldn't control being attracted to and falling in love with a mean ass woman like my mom. He had never learned that love didn't hurt, never been taught that a marriage wasn't supposed to be miserable. He put himself in harm's way so that his kids could have a safe Haven growing up and I appreciate that but his actions always made me question how much of your own happiness should you have to sacrifice, because you love someone?!
And even though we made it into adulthood virtually unaffected by their issues I was still scared by what I witnessed coming up. Paranoid that I would become my father or worse that my sister would become my mother. There is a quote I read in a book once that said, "the sins of the father falls on the son." So for a while I believed that I was destined and doomed to follow in my grandfather's and father's footsteps. Which would see me meet, marry and have kids with a dreadful woman who would treat me like shit. But you know what I said to myself...FUCK THAT!!! Because I also read a quote that says "talent tends to skip a generation." So in order to prevent my own kids from reliving my childhood or myself endure my father's and grandpops' marriage woes I vowed to NEVER get married. Because I figured out the key to a happy marriage is two fold...either you avoid marrying an asshole (which isn't guaranteed one way or the other) or you don't marry at all. I know it sounds extreme but fuck, what else am I gonna do?! I would rather raise my kids alone or have a lifetime live in girlfriend than find myself condemned by law after I say "I do". I refuse to be bound to a crazy bitch that will make me less of a man for the reminder of my life. Say what you want, judge all you can but I found a way to break the cycle, I know what must be done! No golden diamond encrusted mini ring cuffs for me EVER. I saw what getting married did to my grandpops and father so I have chosen not to go out that way...that's why I will always be like FUCK MARRIAGE!!!
"Those that have greatness in them also possess the power...to bring the greatness out of those around them." - TWIL
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