I NEED Our DAUGTHER More Than She Needs ME

 I started to create another chapter using fictional characters to deliver a message, but as our young daughter sits in my lap mashing keys and telling me it's time to go play I had to stop and come back after she was asleep. And as I often do why she sleeps I admire her and thank God for trusting us to care for her. So I decided that this chapter should be a little more personal than my normal entries. So open your hearts and minds as I share my story with you. Current days are called the present because they bring gifts. On May 25th, 2008 a gift like no other was given to my wife and I. We learned that we would become parents. As you can imagine there was much to celebrate. We had been together for about seven years and had been married for almost two. We had spoken just days before about planning for parenthood. Our decided plan was that we would not be the couple that scheduled prime conception times or took fertility drugs we would leave it in God's hands. We would be a mother and father when he said so. Amazing thing about the way the good Lord works because I swear he must have standing by our bedside that day and said "Whelp now seems like a good time...POPULATE!" HAHAHAHAHA or something to that degree. Days later we were patiently waiting for lines to appear and the sheer joy of that confirmation of life was overwhelming. My wife suddenly became more attractive, brilliant, sexy and desirable to me. She was going to deliver our child into the world. She was going to birth my baby...yes MY BABY. More first reaction was youthful excitement. A feeling of happiness that I had never experienced before. But as I watched my beautiful wife sleep that night I felt fear creep into my mind, a fear of failure. For the first time in my young life I would be responsible for providing total care to another person. Even though I was married and committed to providing for my wife, she never depended on me for her total care. But in less than a year a little version of myself would be completely reliant on me to survive life. As those thoughts of doubts began to flood my mind I panicked. I began thinking that I didn't want the responsibility. I didn't want the burden. I didn't want to know that fear of failing. I began to think of all the ways I could destroy the baby's life. What would happen if I wasn't able to give the child the attention and love that they required. What happened if the stress of being a father become to much and I abandoned my child the same way my biological father did me. I was flipping out...playing out every bad scenario my worried mind could conceive.

  Then something marvelous occurred. I had a moment of clarity, a vision. A small preview of a future that had not yet occurred. I was looking down upon a small child wrapped in a blanket. I was cradling in my arms a tiny baby that shared my face. It was that vision that made me realize that even though I may not have been ready to accept the task of being a father I was already equipped to be one. I had trained for this position with every time I baby-sat my nieces, nephews and cousins. I had already attained the knowledge first hand to protect and provide. I may not have been ready to go to work but the tools I needed to complete the job were already in my grasp. Now the time had come for me to apply that knowledge and experience to raise up my own child. And just as quickly as I had been pulled down into despair I was raised up with encouragement. My worries rapidly faded. I no longer feared failing, I welcomed the responsibility. I took it as a challenge to be better than my father was to me. I made up my mind that despite the obstacles of parenthood that I would be a great father, because our child deserved nothing less. So with that mindset I began grooming myself to excel at the most important job I would ever have in my life...being a father. With God's grace we welcomed and celebrated our daughter's arrival into the world that following January. This time my vision of a future that had yet to come was a present moment captured forever in my heart and spirit. I held her as she slept in my arms. I looked down upon my face without looking into a mirror. Thankfully our daughter made it easy for us to adapt as parents. As an infant she wasn't a needy baby she only cried when she wanted food, needed a change or wanted to be held. We excitedly witnessed her development and were astonished early on by how intelligent she was. As she grew into a toddler, she exhibited great problem solving skills and a strong sense of stubbornness. Stubbornness in the manner that she would not be denied what she wanted. She knew how to positively manipulate us and others. She also had a fearless spirit. Even when she hurt herself trying something new, she would cry but minutes later actively find another way to do it again this time minus the pain. She conquered every obstacle and surpassed every goal from walking to talking.

 We graciously applaud her accomplishments and encourage her to apply her skills to make the world around her more suitable to her comforts. I will be honest because I am not ashamed to admit that I have learned more as person and as man being her father than I learned through many years of higher education and professional training. Our baby girl taught me the intangibles of living. She taught me how to truly enjoy every moment of life. She makes me want to better myself, because with every victory SHE has it focuses ME to achieve more personally. Even now as a bright three-year-old, she is so adamant about doing things for herself without us assisting her. She refuses to be helped because she wants to prove to us and herself that she can do anything she focuses on. That lesson among many others is why I enjoy her company and ultimately believe that she was chosen and custom created to be born through us. Her greatness continues to grow and it inspires us to be great too. She is very proud to be our "strong smart pretty princess" and we are proud to be her parents. I guess it probably will always be this way because that's the Circle Of Life, the child surpassing the parent. But even though I am decades her senior she still takes me to school daily. It's crazy because when she was born I thought she would always need me to do things and be there for her. But as it turns out, I had incorrectly assigned our roles. It is actually me that will always need her. I needed her then to focus my talents and restore my faith in my abilities. I needed her to re-teach me how to take advantage of the time I have to enjoy randomly moments by laughing and dancing. I needed her to have someone to watch over and be proud of. I needed someone to help me in my development as a man. She met all my needs in a way I never imagined was possible. Truth is, I need our daughter more than she needs me...and I'm alright with that.


Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

Dear Diary, SUICIDE Has Finally STOPPED My TEARS

Growing up as a young kid I was so full of life. Constantly curious about how and why things were the way the were. I loved to dance and sing to every beat I heard. I rarely frowned and rarely stopped laughing. People would tell me that I had a glow that filled them with a warm feeling when ever I was around. I loved meeting new people, learning new things and going to new places. I loved the world and everything new in it that I had yet to experience. So why am I now standing on this bridge with a pistol in my hand contemplating my death?! Where is that little girl that viewed the world with wonder and amazement. What pushed me to this point? Bullies...I am on this bridge with a pistol to my temple because bullies would not leave me alone. They teased me unmercifully in school. They harassed me on Facebook. They dissed me on Twitter. They called me ugly, fat, stupid, poor and many more horrible things that I don't even want to remember. Yeah my dad and mom both tried to protect me, but they couldn't. Dad would tell me to stand up and protect myself. Mom would tell me just to ignore them because they were jealous and immature. They did their best to shield me from the hurt and as long as I was with them, I could avoid the pain. But it was only so much they could do or suggest to help me. They didn't have to go to school and face them. They didn't know the feeling of being pushed down, punched and humiliated.

  They didn't know what it was like to battle daily against relentless bullies...alone and terrified. I remember that day my Dad finally got tired of me coming home crying from class. He drove up to the school demanding that the teachers and parents be made accountable for allowing their students and children to continually assault me. It did stop for a day or so but once the other kids found out that it was MY Dad, they just became even more cruel with their abuse. I remember hearing my parents talk about transferring me to a private school to make the bullying stop. They asked me what I wanted to do but I knew a private school meant more money that they would have to spend. I didn't want them to struggle with money just because I couldn't cope with the bullies so I lied and told them, I would be alright. I eventually found an outlet through writing and spending time alone. It helped me deal until puberty hit. It happened so suddenly I didn't have time to adjust. My breasts and butt filled out before the summer was over. I felt uncomfortable and even more of an out-cast now because I was the only girl my age in my school that had grown them before everyone else. So now not only were the girls focused on harassing me because of my shape boys were now messing with me too. The girls would all loudly laugh and point calling me a big booty hoe or a big titty slut. The boys would try to grab my butt and chest or try to get me to go somewhere and have sex. I tried to wear bigger clothes to hide my figure but as the weather changed my clothing had to as well.

  My dad actually cried and my mom was livid when I told them how the taunting had escalated. It was the first time I had seen my dad cry and my mom so upset. I feel I have just become a burden to my parents. but I didn't have anyone else to turn to except to them. No girlfriends I could relate to, no guy friends that just wanted to listen. I had no friends to rely on. I couldn't talk to my teachers. I couldn't go to my guidance counselor. I just felt alone. I use to be able to use my writings to leave this world. My writings use to be filled with happy stories but now they read like desperate recordings full of sadness. I am tired of being sad all the time. I am sick of being teased. I am tired of being groped. I AM TIRED OF BEING ME!!! I AM TIRED OF LIVING!!! So this is my last story. I am sorry for all the pain and stress I have caused. I have tried to cope. I have tried to pray. I have tried to ignore. I have tried to stand up for myself. But I am not strong enough to deal. I used to believe that suicide was a coward's way out...but after many nights of crying myself to sleep I have decided that suicide is my only way to beat the bullies and escape the pain. I hope God doesn't hold this against me. I hope he finally offers me the peace that I could not find here on his earth. I will miss my family most. I hope they don't blame themselves because I know they did everything that they could to help me. But in the long run, I think this is a solution that everyone will be happy with. I hope someone finds this book before they find my body then this way they will understand why I am no longer here. Dear Diary, suicide has finally stopped my tears...



Be Safe. Be Blessed
TWIL

DAD...A MESSAGE From Your Un-born CHILDREN

 Just calm down alright. We know this feels like you're having a very vivid out-of-body experience but don't freak out you're not dead or having a near death moment. You are experiencing a divine intervention. A heavenly communication in the form of a dream. A dream we will use to share three revelations with you. The voices that you are hearing are very real so just relax and listen attentively. Are you alright now, yes?! Good! Let us explain to you how this is happening then later you will understand WHY we are having this interaction. In the beginning when God first placed man on Earth he still had the ability to hear Angels speak to him. But as his time spent on Earth increased and his sins multiplied he began to lose his divine connection that enabled him to communicate with Heaven. So because of this at times God will grant Angels in Heaven special permission to use dreams as a way to send messages to those on Earth. So with that said, let us introduce ourselves. The voices you are hearing belong to those of your children. Yes, voices as in plural, CONGRATULATIONS you are going to be a FATHER...of TWINS, a girl and a boy. We don't have earthly names yet but for this dream you can refer to us as Grace, your daughter and Mercy, your son. Normally the children that have chosen their Earth parents still aren't allowed to have contact with them until they complete their exit interview from Heaven. But God is permitting us to talk with you because of the monumental impact all four of us are meant to have on Earth. And even though we won't meet for another three Earth years we needed to let you know how important we are to your life and inform you of how critical your role of a father will be to both our lives and to the world. Everything we are about to share with you has already been written in the Book Of Life so you must understand that while some of it you will not like or comprehend, you will have to accept all of it as truth. Now open your heart and mind, let us guide your soul as we reveal the TRUE purpose of your life as a father.

 Hey pops this is Mercy. I will be explaining the first revelation to you...FAITH. As a young man you have committed numerous deeds that neither you nor the Lord have been proud of. Of all the good things you would do in your life you would always manage to do something worse that would negate it. But we patiently watched and waited. Our faith in you was rewarded because as you entered adulthood you slowly began to grow into the man we needed you to become. Grace celebrated when you began courting the young lady she had chosen to be our mother. Your relationship with her initiated a chain reaction that would ultimately change the world for the better. Mom brought your best qualities to the surface. It was her faith in you that renewed your faith in yourself. You chose to be a better man because of her. Which lead you to be a great husband. You believed her when she told you she saw greatness in you. Faith in yourself and in mom changed your mind about being a father. You realized that you could be a man worthy enough to raise children. Once that became your mindset you set the stage for us to become your children. So keep your faith regardless of how bad things will get. It will carry you...OK GRACE! Geez! Gracie wants to talk to you now. HI DADDY! This is Grace. I get to tell you the second revelation...TRUST. You have always had issues placing your trust in yourself and others. Your mistakes, past relationships with woman, grandma & granddad not being there and too many other events to name caused you to have a horrible level of trust. But you will need to trust more in yourself and in others as you go through life. I wont lie some folks will disappoint and betray you but the lessons learned from their falseness will give you great wisdom and insight. When we come to Earth you have to trust your abilities as a father and that your decisions will be made with our best interests at heart. You will have doubts because bad situations will occur but by trusting in yourself you will also teach us to trust own decisions & abilities. Trust is the unwavering bond that you, mommy, Mercy and I will share. It is this bond of trust combined with your pillar of faith that will allow you to be the support that we all will need in order to successfully progress through life. Ok daddy?! Now the last revelation we will give to you, we will speak together so that you understand how important it is. The third revelation is...SACRIFICE.

 Faith and Trust are the trees that still stand after Sacrifice has spread fire through the forest of Hope. Sacrifice will test your faith and trust in God and in yourself. Dad you will endure sacrifice in it's greatest form...death. You choose to sacrifice your own life. It is this choice that forever alters the decisions that mommy and us will make in our lives. We are sharing this revelation not to saddle you with guilt but because we want to explain to you WHY you made the choice to die. Shortly after our 13th birthday's we are notified that mom was a carrier of a new strain of cancer and that she had passed it down to us. After many months of research and painful treatments doctors discover that your bone marrow is the only treatment that seems to slow the progression of the cancer. You made the choice to allow us to live healthier and longer by  giving us your bone marrow to prevent our deaths. Your sacrifice of love and life as a father is the catalyst that changes the world. Mom begins a research charity foundation in your honor that brings about world-wide attention to cancer in a way that had never been seen before. The foundation's research eventually produces better and cheaper treatments for persons suffering with various terminal cancers. Working with the foundation gives mom away to positively accept and cope with your sacrifice. It also gives her the strength to battle back against her own cancer. Her time helping various people around the globe makes her fall in love with you all over again. Even though she bravely fights it, she eventually succumbs to her cancer. But it is your sacrifice combined with the passing of mom that has the greatest impact on us. It inspires us to find a way to prevent more lives from being lost. We become so involved with the charity that we grow up and choose the paths of becoming doctors. After many years of working as doctors we combine or skills and the influence of the foundation to discover a cure for not only our own cancers but for Leukemia, Breast and Lung Cancer! Our team also mistakenly develops a cure for HIV/AIDS. These cures are shared with the world which allow many families to celebrate life instead of mourning because of death. Some of the most lethal sicknesses that plague the world will be eradicated...thanks to your sacrifice. But if it were not for the lessons you will learn about faith and trust you would not even been in that position to make that sacrifice. You would not have connected with mom. You would not have become our father. These revelations, this dream is a message Dad...a message from your un-born children. We love you and we thank you for being our father. See you soon.


Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

WOMEN Are Supposed to Have BOOBS...MEN Aren't

   Standing in the mirror you notice you are getting bigger in places you would rather not. Your face looks swollen. Your neck and chin are touching. Your arms aren't as muscularly shaped and you can't suck in your gut anymore. You hate how you look in clothes. You just don't like the way your body has changed. Fact is the weight you've gained over the last couple of years just kinda snuck up on you and now it is destroying your confidence. Reading these thoughts one would believe they are the thoughts of a woman but in reality they belong to a man. Men are concerned about their physical image perhaps even more than women. Yes woman face pressures to conform to a specific body type and it seems like their physical image is always under assault but men have to deal with those same expectations and desires to fit in. In fact men have self esteem issues regarding their bodies as much as women do. Really?! Yes they do. It is just something that is not discussed socially because most men choose to fight those battles behind closed doors. Admitting he has an issue like this makes him feel vulnerable and weak. Men are the ones that are more likely to choose to suffer in silence and are more inclined to not seek help. Because men are stubborn and proud creatures by nature the realization that they have become chunky is often neglected until an aliment induced by weight gain affects them. Men will deny they have a problem and will find creative ways to ignore it. But in the end there are few things that get a man's attention or destroy his psyche faster than growing a pair of man-boobies.

   Growing male breasts due to weight gain is the signal that he has lost control of his body. He can no longer hide the fact that his steadily increasing mass has reached critical levels. It is painful when he realizes that he could actually wear a bra. So that is the moment when he must recognize that the weight gain is no longer something to overlook. Not only can it cause irreparable damage to his physical abilities but also to his mental state. But even if a man doesn't care if he has dude-titties or that he is risking his mental well being, he should consider his sex life. He should taken in to account that his ability to perform sexually and his appeal to the opposite sex will take a hit with every unhealthy pound he acquires. It is a proven fact that packing pounds is a sex drive killer for men. And just like a man can grow to be less attracted to a woman when she gains weight, SHE can become less attracted to HIM. Think about it...a woman doesn't want to get freaky with a man whose boobies are bigger than hers. She doesn't want to take you bra shopping with her. She may never say it aloud but she DOESN'T WANT HER MAN TO HAVE BREASTS! But why wait for a woman to highlight what you already know. As a man you understand how being rejected can be a painful thing to experience and being told it is because you're a fat-ass is as harsh as it gets. Men don't have the luxury of blaming weight gain on being pregnant. Even though it might be stress or heredity related they don't have those excuses available to use either. Why?! The answer is obvious isn't it?! Because your are a MAN. You are measured by a different standard and that standard is WOMEN. Yes women! Men are always striving for the attention and approval of a woman.

   Some of man's greatest confidences are built on the compliments received from women. BUT even though having a woman admire you is great, a man shouldn't just be mindful of his weight gain simply to attract or keep a woman in his bed. No, the benefits of being healthy and active far outweigh the pleasures of frequent romps in the sack. Having guy-tatas and other tell-tell signs that you are adding unhealthy pounds should force you to re-examine your habits. It should hopefully make you consider lifestyle changes because your health is now at risk. Your health is one of the few thinks in life that you do have some control over. Weight gain is nothing to ignore because it can lead to complications that can hinder you all through your life...hell extra pounds can kill you. You don't have to become a gym-rat or a body builder but you can exercise some. Be more active. Take the stairs vs the elevator. Walk around your neighborhood. Stop the constant intake of fast foods and other unhealthy snacks. You can willfully make a lifestyle change that will give you more life. Think about how better your body would feel not being stressed out by extra weight you don't need. Don't wait for someone to put you on blast. Take the initiative yourself. Be open and honest, ask for help if you need it. Want better for yourself.  Because you don't want to leave this world earlier because you chose to neglect your body and health do you?! Sure you don't! You also know that a woman doesn't want her man to have boobs either. So say no to uncontrolled and unhealthy weight gain that causes you to grow man-boobs. Your future sex life, mental health and body will thank you.


Be Safe. Be Blessed
TWIL

OUR MOTHER Was Not His PUNCHING-BAG

They tell me the panel has agreed to my parole so today I leave these metal bars and stone walls behind. They said my release was granted because I have reformed and shown remorse. But I believe that's just politics talk. I believe they are offering me back my freedom because they know in their hearts & minds if they were in my position they would have made the same choice. I must admit I never thought I did anything that was worthy of me spending time in jail. Turns out they thought I did enough to spend a great deal of time here, nine years to be exact. Odd thing is I don't remember much of the last nine years here but I do remember that today I turn twenty-one. My birthdays have become bitter sweet for me. I don't forget them but I don't celebrate them either. Instead I relive memories. I won't be attending a party when I am released. I will be going to visit my mother. My mother. The last time I spoke to my mother was on my 12th birthday. Even though it was our last conversation, it means the most to me. I can never forget it because it was also on my 12th birthday that she died, defending me & my sisters...from the last person she should have had to protect us from...her husband, our father. I can still vividly recall the last words she spoke to me as we surrounded her bed trying to pour into her the strength she needed to leave that room. But she was too broken. Her body had lost the power to endure anymore. Her will to live had been taken from her. With tears in her eyes she whispered as she held my hands "I'm sorry baby...I couldn't...but you...protect your sisters. I love..." I watched as the life faded from her beautiful face. My grandparents cradled us away from her bedside, trying to be strong for us but their sobs were louder than ours. I left her hospital room emotionally shattered that night. The best part of my life had just died in front of me. It hurt me to my soul so much that I couldn't even produce tears to shed at her funeral as I held my sisters hands. As we watched our angel lowered into the ground I felt cold because I felt responsible for her death. I could have done something to protect her but I didn't. I vowed from that moment that I would never sit idly by...I would always do something.

 I remember the months after her funeral being back home, trying to continue living without our mother. I remember doing my math homework when my father came into the room yelling at my youngest sister for forgetting to put the milk back into the fridge. He immediately snatched her up by her fragile arms as she screamed in sheer terror. He slapped her tiny face calling her a stupid little bitch. My sister screams she is sorry but he doesn't stop yelling or hitting her. It was strange to see her in the exact position I saw my mother in so many times before her death. The scene made me immune, almost expectant of my dad's violent temper. I had witnessed numerous moments of my mother being pinned up against a wall or cowering in a corner taking my father's brutal punches and kicks. She would scream for me to take my sisters & leave the room. Even though I wanted to stand up to him for her I didn't. I always did what my mother said. But now as I hear my baby sister crying over the loud smacks she is receiving I wait to hear my mother yell "RUN! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!" But her voice never comes. I realize it is gone because she is gone. As my other sister cries into my chest fearful for what our father may do to her next. I suddenly have a flash of my 12th birthday. We are in the kitchen huddled over my cake that my mother and sisters baked and decorated. And as they are singing happy birthday to me my father walks in. He quietly stands at the door and listens. He and I make eye contact and for one of the few times I remember, he smiles and winks at me. We all sit down and share the cake, laughing and enjoying a rare moment together as a family. I remember my mother kissing me goodnight telling me she loved me and how proud she was to be my mother. I tell her that she is strong and beautiful and that I will always love her. That should have been best way to end one of the happiest days of my young life but it quickly became the saddest. I remember it was the cries of my sisters that woke me first followed by the all too familiar sounds of my mother crying and my father yelling. It was the neighbors who heard the shouting and called the police. Their banging on the front door is what actually gave my mother the time to die in a warm hospital bed surrounded by those that loved her instead of on a cold floor towered over by the one that beat her mercilessly. It bothered my grandparents that the courts took so long to decide custody. They tried to reveal my father as the monster he was but since my mother never reported her beatings at his hands my father was never on file as abusive. So the judge took his word that my mother's death was as an accident. A heated argument that ended with her being pushed and hitting her head on the corner of the table losing consciousness. He served a couple of weeks in jail but we knew he wouldn't stay long because her bruises had already healed before that night so there was nothing to credit him as a chronic abuser. I remember my mom waking up in the hospital and my grandparents rushing us into her room so we could see her. The last view we had of our mother was her weak body plugged up to monitors fighting for her survival not the courageous woman that did her best to shield her kids from their father's rage. It was her last words to me that now echoed in my mind over my sisters' frantic screams..."protect your sisters".

 It was her words that finally prompted me to go against my normal reaction to run, hide and wait out my father's fury. It was in that moment it would have been wise for my father to be the one to run, hide and wait out my fury. But he didn't run. He didn't have a reason to hide. He never knew he had passed his fury onto me. It was almost poetic that my mother had finally defended herself and struck back at him. She did it from the grave using her young son whom she always told to  run and hide. It was her words that would guarantee that there would be no running or hiding on this night. I stood up, ready to confront the beast that had murdered our mother. As my mind contemplated what I would do next my young hands found what I would use to end his warpath. With his back to me still focusing on assaulting his youngest daughter he never saw me step toward him. I swung the bat as hard and fast as my young body could. I remember the metal making a sickening thud as it connected with the flesh and bone of his head. His shouting was finally silenced. His punches and kicks would never have another body to bloody and bruise. His body dropped without resistance. Immediately he began convulsing on the floor curling into the same fetal position that my mother had been in numerous times before. As I watched him seize I decided I would grant him the same amount of mercy he gave to our mother...no mercy at all. His eyes slowly rose to meet mine. The last time we made eye contact my mother would die at his hands. This time it would be my hands that would deliver death...his.  I kept eye contact long enough for him to realize that it was me who had finally become HIS abuser. And as he had done to me that night I smiled and winked. I then smashed the bat down into his face breaking his gaze. I swung with the same ferocity that he beat my mother and sister with. I swung until my shoulders ached and my palms were throbbing. I swung until his face was nothing but a mound of unrecognizable flesh and bone. It was the quiet whimpering and pleas from my sisters that stopped the swings. I remember hearing the sound of metal splashing into an expanding pool of crimson. I remember turning away from his lifeless body to hug my sisters. I remember holding them tightly to my small chest shielding their eyes. I remember taking them into the living room and watching them until they fell asleep. I remember calling my grandfather telling him that we were finally safe. I remember seeing the faces of my grandmother and baby sisters through the windows of the cop car. There are many things I have forgotten but many more that I can't forget. The days I have spent at this place are a blur because I have cared not to remember them, but I will remember this day. Because I am finally leaving prison and will get to visit my mother. I will finally shed year old tears. I get the moment to tell her I didn't run, that I didn't hide. I get to tell her her daughters are doing good now. I get to tell her that her sacrifice was not in vain. I will tell her that I remembered and honored her last words. I protected my sisters. I know she will not be proud that I have spent so many years in this place but unfortunately that's the way life happened. I will tell her despite the years I have lost I have no regrets for my actions because I taught my father that our mother was not his punching-bag and I'm alright with that.


Be Safe. Be Blessed
TWIL

So WHY Do MEN LIE To Women?!

One fact of life is that ALL MEN LIE TO WOMEN. That is a powerful statement but it isn't as bad as it sounds...no really it's not. Believe it or not, 99.99% percent of men actually prefer being honest with women. But because of the consequences and unforeseen dangers associated with telling a woman the truth 99.99% of men choose to lie. The reality is all lies that men tell women ARE NOT bad lies, so technically lying can be a good thing. Granted some men use lies to take advantage of women. Others do it simply to protect their own personal interests or to hide their short-comings. Generally speaking the vast majority of men lie ONLY to protect a woman's feelings. They would rather see her comforted by a harmless lie than hurt by a dangerous truth. Men lie because they believe a woman really doesn't want to hear his version of the truth. He thinks that the truth will do more harm than good for him if spoken. Men are handi-capped with the need to use simple logic, the same logic most women often refuse to accept, so men have to be creative with their lies so that they can co-exist peacefully with women. Sometimes lying works out in a man's favor, other times it doesn't. So even though most men lie for good reasons associated with making a woman happy unfortunately sometimes a man's lies can turn situations bad. There are moments when he panics and his misunderstanding of proper lie usage to a woman ends up being self-destructive to not only him but everyone else. For example three of the most harmful lies a man can tell a woman is..."I apologize", "I do" and "I love you". Most times these three lies start out in a way that is meant to be helpful but they spiral out of control and become harmful.

 "I apologize" is the most common lie a man tells a woman. When used properly it is his shield. It protects him when she is bombarding him with questions about why he did something and he isn't quick enough to explain his actions. At that moment he may not even know what he did was considered wrong. All he understands is that his actions made her mad and shit is about to hit the fan. "I apologize" signals to her that he admits fault and wants to rapidly stop the beginning of an argument that he knows he is not prepared to have. But when "I apologize" is used for every scenario it looses its effectiveness. She recognizes he is only saying it to avoid talking with her and it infuriates her so then she launches into full attack mode. As a man saying "I apologize" requires a great deal of honesty. He may not be saying he is sorry specifically for what he did but he is sorry that his actions lead to her becoming upset. If he is not truly sorrowful that she is upset then he is only saying it to shut her up. Meaning he has no respect for her feelings. He then begins laying down a foundation of cold heartedness. Which leads him to become immune to her pains and frustrations. Once that occurs he becomes uncompassionate and that is when his lying to her, turns help to hurt. "I do." Most folks believe the only importance of a man saying "I do" is when he is accepting the publicly spoken vows during a marriage ceremony. But the effects of  saying "I do" reach far from the altar.

 "I do" is a term of understanding. In the event that a man tells a woman "I do" he is communicating to her that he accepts and clearly understands what she expects from him. Once a woman thinks a man has no question or quarrel with what she wants, she will be more inclined to trust him. She is relying on him to build up his end of the bridge so that they can cross safely over troubled waters. The problems begin when a man says "I do" constantly but doesn't comprehend the responsibilities of what is being asked of him. Once he fails to identify and accept responsibility he eventually begins to ignore critical relationship issues. When that occurs she feels like those issues are no longer important to him. When a man assumes and doesn't ask questions about what a woman desires it creates a confusion between them about what she needs from him to be happy. Confusion leads to frustration, frustration leads to angry and anger leads to hate and when man and woman start hating each other that is when his lying to her, turns help to hurt.

 "I love you" is the one set of spoken words that can destroy a man faster than the other two phrases combined. Because of the implied meaning that comes with speaking these words, a man can quickly see his life crumble into despair. When spoken to the wrong woman or said without the emotional attachment that usually accompanies it "I love you" can be a life sentence of pain. Since many men can't find other words to explain how a woman makes him feel or how he feels about a woman, "I love you" became the universal expression. When a man is confident enough to express his feelings he speaks the phrase "I love you" with confidence and pride. Sadly some men use "I love you" as a manipulation device. They use it to sweet-talk a woman getting into her head emotionally before making a home in her bed physically. These are the dudes that cause the ripple effect of using "I love you" negatively. Most men rarely tell a woman he loves her unless that is truly what's in his heart. But it doesn't matter what his true feelings are when he tells a woman who has been affected by the false "I love you". She has become jaded by the incorrect applications of another man's "I love you" so then she has a hard time accepting a genuine "I love you". But even the men that use "I love you" correctly can still cause the phrase to lose it's value. It mostly occurs after an extended period of time is shared with a woman. He becomes conditioned to saying it, almost an involuntary response when replying to his woman's "I love you". When a man says "I love you" to a woman with an empty feeling, it begins to erode his devotion to her. She in turns feels his detachment and then they both become emotionally separated. That is when his lying to her, turns help to hurt. So why do men lie to women?! It's because in his numerous quests to appease her, woman has taught man that lying to her benefits him more than it inflicts pain on her. As long as she isn't hurting, she is happy. And her happiness is the MAIN GOAL when a man is involved with a woman.



Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

Your WIFE Is PREGNANT...But You Are Not The FATHER

It's the moments in life that you would like to erase and forget that are most permanently etched into your mind. Those opportunities where you have the choice to do the right thing but become persuaded to do the wrong. Those are the memories that you bury deep and pray you never have a reason to remember. Funny how the things that are placed underground never remain buried. You didn't think it would happen. Not like this. Not now. Not after all those years of having a happy marriage. Your dream careers, your home, your kids, YOUR LOVE?! You never believed it would happen to you. But now the shoe is on the other foot. And you're sitting alone in a dark room engulfed in an alcohol induced haze asking the question...why is YOUR wife pregnant by another man?! You're furious. You're confused. You're hurt. But worst of all you're wallowing in self pity because you know the answer to the question. Your wife is pregnant by another man because of you. It sounds ridiculous and it pains you beyond belief to even acknowledge it but you know it's the correct answer. You set the stage for this play many years ago. But how?!

 You never cheated on her once since you've been married! You loved her diligently every day! You honored the vows! You kept your promise to her! FUCK!!! THE PROMISE!!! You made the promise to never cheat on her again. You promised once ya'll got married you would not touch another woman. You would be loyal to only her. You made that vow so that she wouldn't leave that night. SHIT!!! THAT NIGHT!!! Yeah, she came home early from her trip that night. You never heard her come into the house. Never saw her standing in the doorway. But she saw you. She saw you with that other girl in your bed. And even though ya'll weren't married, ya'll had been engaged for years and that house had become your home. YOU destroyed that home. How ironic is it that years later you walk in on her with another man just like she walked in on you that night with another woman. Irony it seems has an exceptionally cruel since of humor. Because this time you were the one cussing, crying and crushed. The roles were harshly reversed. Now she was the one pleading for you to stay, promising you that she would never cheat again. And you forgave her and you believed her promise. You pretended the affair never happened so you could salvage your marriage, rebuild your home, keep your family together. You buried your feelings because you did love her and you wanted desperately to make your life together last. But then she told you she is pregnant...by him. You have never wanted to strike her until you heard those words leave her lips.

 She hurt you in a way you didn't imagine was possible. But you know your actions years before was the cause that threw out the boomerang and her affair was the effect returning. It's unfortunate that you had to be hurt only to recognize the pain you were causing her to be in. You essentially pushed her into another man's arms. In your heart you believe she never recovered from that night. She never left that doorway. Even though she loved you, she never forgot how much she hated you for betraying her. You have always loved her but you didn't always appreciate her. Now in hind-sight you see that was your greatest mistake. You took her for granted. You never hit her but you abused her daily. You abused her trust. You abused her loyalty because you constantly cheated on her. In a twisted way you figured since she constantly forgave you, it was a pass for you to keep cheating. You didn't care to understand how hurt she must have been after every different female she found out about. You didn't care how her tears eventually dried up because she refused to cry any more. You didn't care, because to you it was just pussy, you didn't love those chicks. You loved her. But it didn't matter because at those moments you didn't love her enough. Can you really curse her for what is happening now. They say a drunk man tells no lies so you know it's true that it is your fault your wife is pregnant and you're not the father. Karma is a muthafucka cause look at you now...suddenly you care.



Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL