It's the moments in life that you would like to erase and forget that are most permanently etched into your mind. Those opportunities where you have the choice to do the right thing but become persuaded to do the wrong. Those are the memories that you bury deep and pray you never have a reason to remember. Funny how the things that are placed underground never remain buried. You didn't think it would happen. Not like this. Not now. Not after all those years of having a happy marriage. Your dream careers, your home, your kids, YOUR LOVE?! You never believed it would happen to you. But now the shoe is on the other foot. And you're sitting alone in a dark room engulfed in an alcohol induced haze asking the question...why is YOUR wife pregnant by another man?! You're furious. You're confused. You're hurt. But worst of all you're wallowing in self pity because you know the answer to the question. Your wife is pregnant by another man because of you. It sounds ridiculous and it pains you beyond belief to even acknowledge it but you know it's the correct answer. You set the stage for this play many years ago. But how?!
You never cheated on her once since you've been married! You loved her diligently every day! You honored the vows! You kept your promise to her! FUCK!!! THE PROMISE!!! You made the promise to never cheat on her again. You promised once ya'll got married you would not touch another woman. You would be loyal to only her. You made that vow so that she wouldn't leave that night. SHIT!!! THAT NIGHT!!! Yeah, she came home early from her trip that night. You never heard her come into the house. Never saw her standing in the doorway. But she saw you. She saw you with that other girl in your bed. And even though ya'll weren't married, ya'll had been engaged for years and that house had become your home. YOU destroyed that home. How ironic is it that years later you walk in on her with another man just like she walked in on you that night with another woman. Irony it seems has an exceptionally cruel since of humor. Because this time you were the one cussing, crying and crushed. The roles were harshly reversed. Now she was the one pleading for you to stay, promising you that she would never cheat again. And you forgave her and you believed her promise. You pretended the affair never happened so you could salvage your marriage, rebuild your home, keep your family together. You buried your feelings because you did love her and you wanted desperately to make your life together last. But then she told you she is pregnant...by him. You have never wanted to strike her until you heard those words leave her lips.
She hurt you in a way you didn't imagine was possible. But you know your actions years before was the cause that threw out the boomerang and her affair was the effect returning. It's unfortunate that you had to be hurt only to recognize the pain you were causing her to be in. You essentially pushed her into another man's arms. In your heart you believe she never recovered from that night. She never left that doorway. Even though she loved you, she never forgot how much she hated you for betraying her. You have always loved her but you didn't always appreciate her. Now in hind-sight you see that was your greatest mistake. You took her for granted. You never hit her but you abused her daily. You abused her trust. You abused her loyalty because you constantly cheated on her. In a twisted way you figured since she constantly forgave you, it was a pass for you to keep cheating. You didn't care to understand how hurt she must have been after every different female she found out about. You didn't care how her tears eventually dried up because she refused to cry any more. You didn't care, because to you it was just pussy, you didn't love those chicks. You loved her. But it didn't matter because at those moments you didn't love her enough. Can you really curse her for what is happening now. They say a drunk man tells no lies so you know it's true that it is your fault your wife is pregnant and you're not the father. Karma is a muthafucka cause look at you now...suddenly you care.
Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL
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